Three views of alanon - Al-Anon Family Group

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

Three views of alanon

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I haven't seen that pamphlet but I do know the passage. It was given to me years ago by a meeting or my sponsor. I think it was my sponsor; "Love cannot exist without some dimension of justice." That is one of the many truths I go by today.

((((hugs)))) smile

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

Lin,

I had stumbled on to this site and read it yesterday.

http://www.usenet.co.za/nodrugs/art_alcoholicfamilies.htm

I think this is the full line you were thinking about.
"Learn that love cannot exist without compassion, discipline and justice, and to accept love or give it without these qualities is to destroy it eventually."

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Linn that is a GREAT piece of CAL. LOVE that letter. J.

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks lin for asking and thanks ddub for finding it.

In support,
Nancy

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

The one that ddub found is indeed very helpful, but it's not the one I was after. I used to have "Letter from the Alcoholic" saved on my computer, but lost it when my hard drive crashed.

glasshouse · Member

Dear Lin, is this the one?
I am an alcoholic. I need your help.
Don't lecture me, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease, too.
Don't pour out my liquor; it's a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.
Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion about myself. I hate myself enough already.
Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful.
Don't accept my promises. I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.
Don't make empty threats. Once you have made a decision, stick to it.
Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily.
Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice.
Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking.
Don't lie for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you provide an automatic escape for the consequences of my drinking.
Above all, do learn all you can about alcoholism and your role in relation to me. Go to open AA meetings when you can. Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in touch with Al-Anon members. They're the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly.
I love you. Your alcoholic

This passage has helped me as well, kindest regards, glasshouse.

-- Edited by glasshouse at 17:54, 2008-02-02

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks very much, that is the reading I wanted. It's very important to me - in fact the whole pamphlet is so useful, but that particular passage in a lot of ways IS alanon to me.

The trouble I had finding this passage online points out something else, which I think those of us who don't go to meetings might be unaware of. The vast majority of alanon literature is not available online - you have to actually go to a meeting or order it in order to get it. The very thing you may need to hear right this minute might be sitting in a CAL book or pamphlet, but if all you know of alanon is this board, you'll never read it.

Even if you just can't bring yourself to go to a face to face meeting, why not visit the meeting room before the meeting starts, and pick up some of the reading material? The pamphlets are either free or very cheap (less than one dollar) Someone will be there about a half hour before the meeting, to make coffee and set up, and will happily help you find some reading material that you will find useful.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Linn, I could not agree more. Its a crime that CAL is not available in any other form- really makes me question the WSO. CAL has made a huge difference in my life.

CAL can be available in hospitals, doctors waiting rooms, at university or college social service offices, through a therapist or shelter or family center. You can call the al-anon hotline and ask for help in getting CAL. Heck, I will mail CAL to anyone who wants it, just pm me with a topic and I will try to find some CAL and mail it to you. J.

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

And, on that note, here is a link for Canadians to buy the panphlets - you can just search the site for other publications too.

http://www.al-anonliterature.ab.ca/index/catalog/index.php?cPath=4

Here's a US link

https://ssl.perfora.net/s105607162.oneandoneshop.com/sess/utn;jsessionid=1547a4bcd8abd2c/shopdata/index.shopscript

You'll have to copy and paste the links.

-- Edited by lin0606 at 13:58, 2008-02-02

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