The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex A begged for me to take him back. I told him I thought he had a drinking problem and he disagreed. I knew he would, but that is really not the point. It wasn't so much the drinking that bothered me. It was the name calling, put downs, expecting me to do all the work, blaming me, ignoring me. I have friends and family that I spent time with, so I wasn't asking for a whole lot from him. I realized when I stopped doing all the work there was nothing. I know he is sick and don't feel any hateful feelings towards him. I was not allowed to have ANY feelings or needs in the relationship. It was always about his feelings and needs. I know in my heart I did the right thing for me by letting him go. I truly wish things could be different, but it is what it is. It was the dysfunctional dance of go away, come back. I would rather be alone than in an unhealthy relationship. I just don't have it in me to do anymore.
right on kissers. I am a couple steps behind you but I am really on the same page. And I have to say that for me, it was almost identical to my relationship with my A mom- no one around her got to have any feelings or needs because only she had the right to have them ALL!! Good to read you, thanks so much, J.
I can absolutely relate. The issue for me was that when i went away he felt abandoned but as you said so eleoquenlty I was never permitted to have needs or feelings.
