The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I have mentioned before that I have used with my A. I never had before prior to our relationship. However, I have also used some periodically without him- alot of my feelings involving my guilt with using I believe is also associated with my anxiety over using with him. Anyway, when we had our night together for my bday he told me that he thought I was the one who needed rehab- because even though I use "recreationally" and keep my resp together- I am the one who feels so guilty afterward. He says he never feels that guilt and so perhaps I am the one with the problem. My sister says I am being crazy as I do not do it often and it does not interfere with my life, etc... However, now I am curious as to if he is right- that is about my need for some sort of intervention in my own life...I know this might not be appropriate for this group discussion, but I really want to be completely honest on here- I feel like it is helping me accept my total self- things I wouldn't even share with those I love most. What do you all think? Should I visit NA? Am I okay? My overwhelming guilt and shame in most areas of my life make it hard to take a clear look at myself....
You're the only one who can decide that yourself. If nothing else, give NA a go and see if you find the answer there. If it isn't for you, well then what have you lost besides an hour here and there for a meeting? :)
Just my two cents :)
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Many people find their way into the rooms of AA (or CA or NA) through Al-Anon. Only you can decide if you have a problem--quite honestly, it is none of the A's business. He should be taking his own inventory and not yours!! However, if you think you may have a problem, I would encourage you to go to some open meetings and see how it feels. If nothing else, you may gain a better understanding of the addict and the addictionm. I know that I did. There is no shame in seeking help and wanting for things to get better. Congratulations on taking steps to take care of you!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
First of all, give yourself ALOT of credit for your honesty, your willingness and your ability to see yourself realistically!!!
Second DO NOT listen to what your A has to say about you. Just don't. Start taking him off the pedestal and start listening to healthier people and your HP.
Thirdly, I used alot when I was younger. My ex told me that I was an A and we both needed to stop drinking/drugging as we were going to have a baby. Honestly, I don't know if I would have stopped if he hadn't convinced me I was an A and that complete abstinence was key and if I didn't stop using, he'd leave me. Infact, in the back of my mind, I was planning to use again when I was done being pregnant, but I didn't. I put it off till I was done nursing. By that point I was completly and totally addicted to my A so, drugs and alcohol seemed stupid!
I don't know if I am an A or not. I don't do drugs, or drink but now it is because I have a very strong resentment against drugs and alcohol. It never brought me anything good. I have been to open AA meetings and AA speaker meetings and I feel for the people I hear but I don't identify with them the way I do at Alanon meetings. Drugs and alcohol are not currently an issue for me. I don't have it in my home, I don't associate with anyone who drinks or drugs.
I would think that if you feel you have a problem, then you do and you know where to go to get help.If you don't think the issue is the drugs or alcohol then it isn't. It really is up to you. I knew that I didn't like the places drugs brought me. I did believe my ex when he told me I had a problem, he laid it all out for me and it made sense at the time. But I know I would have gotten to this point with or without him. If I really had a problem, if I really was an A, I would still be one wether or not he told me I was one.
You decide ((((Co)))). It is your life, your call, your decision, not his.
I agree with the last post , attend some meetings NA and decide for yourself . also attend some Al-Anon meetings . you are the only one who can decide which meeting u belong in . carry on searching u will figure it out soon enough . Oh and a practicing A loves to put the focus on u , sure beats them looking at themselves . so u decide . Louise
I've got a suggestion...don't let a practicing alcoholic/addict take your inventory. Taking the "test" the addiction questionaire will help you decide if you are addicted or not. You seem to be open and honest with the family maybe you can be that open and honest with yourself. I drank and used with my alcoholic addicted. Co-dependents do that. I also drank compulsively on my own and because of becoming aware of that I hold dual membership in Al-Anon and AA. I was sober 9 years in Al-Anon before taking an assessment on my own drinking history. Concerns about a possible relapse back into drinking sent me to AA. The suggestion that came from my assessment? "This person needs to be in inpatient recovery immediately or the next time they drink they die." I am a compulsive drinker with a strong alergy. I want to keep the compulsion at bay and have done pretty well with both Al-Anon and AA. Thank God and the memberships. (I earned that smile)
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(I earned that smile)