The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spend days coming here, reading and feeling and praying, and trying to support and give encouragement for I know how hard it is to keep putting one step in front of the other when life is hard; and then I come to the point of being utterly drained and tettering on the edge of a cliff of uncertainty. And I find I am doubting the programme, my progress, my ability to recover even here in this emotional and mental disease that has infected my very core. I hate the alcohol and what I HAVE LET IT DO TO ME AND HOW IT HAS INFECTED ME AND TAKEN OVER PARTS OF MY LIFE, and I was NOT THE ABUSER.
I have faith, believe me a real strong faith in my God - He is the only one who has kept me going all these years - but O I am so weary.
I feel like the eternal bad penny that turns up showing dejection, insecurity, grief and repeated mourning. I know it is the depression that comes with being sick, and the medications seem to wreck my coping mechanism and all I want to do is SCREAM...but I know I won't, but then that SCREAM turns inward and I lose my belief in ME.
Today is one of those days and if I am not writing, or praying, I am crying.
Thanks for listening. HeartB
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Oh, HB, I am so sorry you are having a bad day. If I could magically make it better, I would. But be assured I am sending a warm and positive energy to surround you. And my prayers are with you.
With affection and caring,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Sometime I just give in and feel all that bad-ness. Sometimes I just see it and keep going. I do so hope you feel better. Just wanted to send you a (((((hug)))).
You always have such encouragement, strength, and kind words for us, but alas, you are human, have real emotions and are down in the trenches working the program too.
I say, grab you pillow and scream! Or, if you are in a secluded place, heck with the pillow, just let it go! Right before I entered this program, I had an episode(2 actually) where I ended up in a heap on the floor, feeling totally broken, releasing my pain through gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, LOUD, LOUD sobs. Totally "out-of-character" for me, but oh so healing.
I hope you can hang tight to your God today and feel him with you. After you have had enough of feeling your pain, I hope you can give to to Him along with your insecurity, your grief and dejection. He will take it and can relieve your burden.
I'm thinking about you.
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
And I find I am doubting the programme, my progress, my ability to recover even here in this emotional and mental disease that has infected my very core. I hate the alcohol and what I HAVE LET IT DO TO ME AND HOW IT HAS INFECTED ME AND TAKEN OVER PARTS OF MY LIFE, and I was NOT THE ABUSER.
I can feel your pain like mine - so exhausted with it all but can't go back, don't want to stay in this confusion or pain and drained as I move forward hopefully to a plateau at least to rest & rejuvenate before pressing on with more baby steps. Part of my doubts like yours are connected to this internal struggle of not going backwards, so emotional where I am at from anger to despair to depression that I don't want to stay here and can't move forward fast enough. My head feels like it is expanding to point of explosion with all the new thoughts and connections. Sometimes I have to just rest or sleep but the life I lost in this disease so far makes me impatient to not lose anymore. I want to be less depressed and more emotionally available for kids before they all grow up.
Today, for you, remember that you have got through this before, focus on the good, the positive and the joy you remember plus giving yourself all the TLC you can until you feel better. Warm cup of cocoa or bowl of soup, long bath or nap, light some candles, go for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine if you have some. Know there is lots of prayers and positive energy headed your way from your MIP family.
You have helped me find the light and lightness again on many gray days and I want this for you too. Sending baskets of hope and hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
When I feel like I'm losing my serenity again, I am learning that I need to get still. Get quiet and calm. Only when I do this, can I feel HP's presence again and feel His assurance and power.
Remember that you have a Higher Power that is "greater than the disease of alcoholism."
Sending you Love and Light, gladlee
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Heartbroken....I've so been where you are with the pain from this horrific disease, one thing that I try to remember that through all this pain, I am growing, and that this too shall pass. I have never been disappointed yet. It helps to remember that there is an end to this pain, continue to take small steps, let our hp take care of your burdens, and just take care of yourself. When the pain does end I'm so surprised, although I shouldn't be, at my growth, my new level of self awareness, and that it was all worth for me to learn a valuable lesson.((Big hug to you)))).....grateful
i am all too familar with this scene as well. for me pain has been the reason i so despertately seek answers and healing. i see a lot of hope on this board. like a rainbow after the storm.
Know there is lots of prayers and positive energy headed your way from your MIP family. 
