The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Because of Alanon, I have realized that I had shutdown emotionally. I would pretend things didn't hurt when they did. I thought that, that is how you were supposed to be. I grew up with an alcoholic father who always told me that women are stupid and they are there to take care of the man in the house. I learned pretty early to shove my feelings deep down inside and put other people's needs ahead of my own. I have felt so much grief in the past couple days. I now recognize that I have been going through life in survival mode. Because of this, I have started menopause at an early age. I have learned that I have no choice at this point then to take better care of myself. There is still a tiny bit of fear of other people's anger being directed toward me because I will be shifting my focus to my own health. I have had comments made already. I look at my daughter and think, "My God, What am I teaching her to do to herself?". I can't and will not do that anymore. Thank God for this program and all of those who share at meetings and all of you on this board.
I still struggle with pretending that things were OK/did not hurt when they did. Most recently with my wedding anniversary, I made a change to that old worn out mode of behavior. I decided to admit it hurt, it hurt a lot and then proceeded to plan some things to do that would make me feel good like get a membership to the Y as my anniversary gift, make myself a special dinner, etc. It made a HUGE difference to admit my pain and then place positive nurturing tasks in my path to take care of myself. I am learning but its hard. J.
Aloha Gals...You Rock!! What ever the hell that means. It sounds good so I decided to say it. Hope it doesn't mean that you're all like Rock Hudson or The "Rock" Actor/wrestler. Hope it doesn't mean your ready for that type of chair? You know the one that goes forward and back and you're supposed to cover your knees with a blanky and do some knitting? I don't know but I do know your feed back on this subject is good.
I shut down for long periods of time at times and know it. I have plans and don't get to them...not because I forget like in ADD (I got that too) but because I have had a low grade life long depression that keeps me shut down inspite of having things to do that I worked at getting. strange.... The depression is named disthymia and it's kinda like driving a neat sports car with the breaks on. strange....
This might be a good on-going support subject. I sure do appreciate your ESH now.
