The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a new member and new to seeking help, not for myself, but for my long-time boyfriend. He has been drinking since he was 14 and it has taken him down some bad roads in the past. He has admitted to me that he is an alcoholic and has tried AA in the past, but eventually he decided that it was only a problem if someone makes it a problem. I suppose he is a functional alcoholic. It only effects is work in the sense that he has to be hung over in the mornings he goes to work. When he is at work, which are very long shifts, he has no access to any alcohol and it doesn't seem to bother him, however when he is home, he begins drinking beers at baout 12 or 1pm and drinks until he finally falls asleep. He is never abusive to me in any way, but he is pbviously ion trouble. he makes himself vomit in the shower at night and has gotten "sloppy drunk" numerous times. He always does this at home, never out at bars or anywhere else. I guess the bottom line is he is drinking at least a 12 pack of beer a day, and many times when he runs out of beer he will finish off a bottle of wine. I feel like he is two separate people. If he continues at this rate he will end up drinking himself to death. I love him and want to help, but he gets so angry when i try to bring it up that we both just pretend there is nothing wrong. Please help. I believe that only someone that has been in his shoes can help me understand how to help him, or at least how to talk to him. Thanks for "listening".
Hi Concerned... Welcome to MIP. This is the place to be for support and knowledge. Unfortunately, you can't do anything to help him... he has to do that for himself. What you can do is help yourself. Alanon teaches us that we can be happy whether our alcoholic (A) is drinking or not.
I found it helpful to read as much as I could, in books, online, and especially here on this board. I found several people that were in situations similar to mine.
Keep coming back, keep posting, and most of all... take care of yourself.
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Welcome to MIP! It sure has helped me. Can you attend face to face meetings? My A is very good at rationalizing everything he does to make it fit what he does. In Alanon they tell us to help ourselves. Sometimes we become sicker than the alcoholic. Keep coming back.
Your post read like a real cry for help and I have made that cry myself. I started getting answers when I started attending face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups for me and not for my alcoholic who did not believe she was an alcoholic or had a problem with alcohol inspite of run in with the police, hospitals, therapy clinics and all sorts of disgruntled other citizens. It drove me crazy and I found my way into Al-Anon. It saved my mind, body, spirit and emotions...namely my whole life.
Your alcoholic thinks that his drinking is not a problem. Unfortunately he is only one person in deep denial not wanting input from others. That's the alcoholic personality alright and it's chemically driven by compulsion and addiction. You are powerless over it and your life has become unmanageable. If you can admit to that you have just taken the first of the 12 steps we live by in spite of active or arrested alcoholism. This program is for us the people affected by someone elses drinking.
AA is for him. If you are only looking for help for him and not for yourself you can try calling the local central AA office and asking if they can do a 12th step on your boyfriend which might just piss him off further because he doesn't think he has a problem with alcohol. That leaves you with you; taking care of you. The very best place I have come to experience to do that is in the Al-Anon Family Groups open face to face meetings. Your life may depend on it.
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and humor (good for the ). I encourage you to find some face to face meetings. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do, sober or not. There is nothing you can do about it. Alanon will give you the tools neccessary to deal with an alcoholic. It will help you focus on yourself and take the focus off the alcoholic. Please keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Welcome to this group. I came here over 3 years ago. I can say without a doubt this is a life saving place for me. I come here every single day if I can and spend a few hours here daily. when I came here I lived with a Jekyll and Hyde alcoholic. He was wonderful one minute, awful the next. There was tremendous denial about what he did, when he did it, his work ethic, money and more. I responded by not knowing what to do and when I wasn't in denial the anxiety and fear was tremendous. I literaly lived on this board for a lot of time. Many man people here really helped me. The chat room here is tremendous. If I had more time in the day I would attend meetings there. When I first got here I used to try to go to a meeting in the chat room daily. That helped me tremendously. I did not feel as alone.
Let the program sit with you for a while. Eventually it does start to work. You will learn new skills. Whether you stay with the alcoholic or not your life will start to be manageable. I have come to know many of the people here they are my new family. I care for them deeply, admire them and respect them. They are all things I did not get to have with my family of origin.
I really don't have any words of wisdom for you. I don't mean that in a mean way...I am attending my first f2f tomorrow, so this all new to me too. i just wanted to tell you that I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Sometimes knowing that there is someone out there that truly understands, seems to make one feel a tiny bit better.
). I encourage you to find some face to face meetings. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do, sober or not. There is nothing you can do about it. Alanon will give you the tools neccessary to deal with an alcoholic. It will help you focus on yourself and take the focus off the alcoholic. Please keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
