The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, Everyone - I'm glad to be back home from my trip to WV. While there, I read posts when I could but was using library computers most of which were blocked from using forums ugh!).
I went there alone and really enjoyed being away from my annoying (dry, not sober) ah. I really needed that 2 1/2 month break.
One thing that happened was that on my way back home, I had a weird feeling of not wanting to leave WV, but not wanting to go home! I felt somewhat depressed until I pulled myself out of it with Al-Anon tools and music. I had no place in mind that I wanted to be - just not one of those two places.
My oldest daughter doesn't want me to see my grandchldren and that was hard. I did see my other three grandchildren and my three ggrandcx so that was good.
Again, it's good to be back and at my computer. My Al-Anon friends are the best friends and family that I have. I'm so thank- full for you.
Carolena, I have felt that way of not wanting to be in either place! Its so funny, not sure what that is about but I certainly know that feeling. I guess I feel quite comfortable in the world, traveling, out and about, on the journey and love the flow of that feeling: putting miles behind you and having miles ahead of you. God, I love a good road trip!! anyway, just wanted to share that I know that feeling.
I think its really great to be away from AH's for several months at a time. I have been separated from mine for almost 2 years and its been so great. I am not sure if we are going to stay married or not but if we do get back together that not being together for a few months each year is going to be crucial. Like having my own bedroom is also crucial. Not what I expected in a marriage but there you have it- acceptance!
Sadako- the term dry refers to not drinking. Sober is really more a state of mind. They can be dry, but no program of recovery, so will really act just like a drinking A, sometimes worse.
Carolena, correct me if this is not what you meant. :)
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Yes, that's exactly what I meant. In fact, sometimes he looks like a drunk/druggie - eyes half closed and red during the day the few times I see him. There's a possibility that he's using but I don't see any obvious signs or smells. When he sweats a lot after working in the heat, he stinks really bad when he comes in from working. On the other hand, he doesn't shower every day so .......?? Al-Anon has taught me to mind my own life and not his.
I'm happy on the road. It gets me away from pressures because when I'm traveling, I can't do anything about any problems - home or job - while I'm driving and meeting new people. I've gotten used to traveling alone or with my Chow, Simba.
The biggest problem that I have with my AH is that he doesn't share anything financial. My name is on our joint bank account and one account that has very little $ in it. I'm planning to close that one and just let him kick about it. We finally had a will made together but it really doesn't mean anything to me unless I know that I'm beneficiary on his personal savings account that I never get to see anything on. There should be plenty in that one. He keeps his personal checking account where I can see it (if I snoop) but there's never been more than $300.00 in it! (yes, I take a snooping trip about every few months or so) I look at what my name should be on.
I have learned to take care of myself financially. There's more I can probably do when I learn what that is. I joined an investment club and I take money from the joint account to fund that. Each month, I take a set amount of cash out of it for my needs (& wants) and I put my gas expenses on trips on our joint credit card paying it in full with the joint account.
He has a problem with what I do but no longer verbally abuses me about it because I just kept on doing it anyway. I'm no longer afraid of him or his isms.
There's a lot more that I'll share at some point because Al-Anon literally saved my life.
Good to have you back!! 2.5 months? I was never able to stay away that long from my alcoholic!! I got tooo use to the drama and my most important role in it. LOL You are healing and will continue to do so and that is great! I learned that the thoughts and feelings (in early recovery and today) tell me that there is work still to do regarding my attitudes, choices and what I accept and don't. Today I am not without tools and hope thanks to Al-Anon.
Keep coming back....here. This is home. ((((hugs))))
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