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So I have been calling lawyer's offices all afternoon "shopping around" for a reasonable lawyer. I think that might be an oxymoron. I have a few that have said around $500 which I feel is fair considering he's in JAIL and won't be showing up! I would type up the papers and file them myself if I just had ONE PERSON to look over them and say yep those look good or you need to do this and then they'll be ready. But NOOOOOO, I have to be in North Carolina! Where you pay and pay and pay some more!
I'm so frustrated.
I did the whole thing in Washington for free, even the filing fee!
Just wanted to vent!
That's what I get for moving to a conservative state where it's every man for himself thinking!
You can't go to the courthouse and file there and just pay the filing fee and for the papers? My seperation cost only $14.25 because they waived my filling fee's. Wich was avery nice thing. I don't know about the other states and how it works. Good luck to you
As you know from my previous ESH I think that my feeling of frustration, exhaustion and more really messed me up when it came to dealing with the eviction that the A put into place. If I had anything to do with him anymore I'd make sure all my T's were crossed. I am grateful I did not marry him because I know he would put me through hell to get divorced.
I think its hard to split from an active A full stop.They don't take responsiblity about that either. The splitting up was just one more part of having difficulty leaving. Nevertheless the fact that my not taking care of the eviction and not knowing the issues affected me and will be with me for 7 years now. I think its incredibly hard to make sure you have all your bases covered but you do have them. I also know for me frustration is a huge huge part of leaving the A. Not everything goes according ot my plans, not everything is in my timetable and I get fed up delaing with it.
Aloha Carolina...The opposite of frustration is patience. It's nice to know when dealing in this sorta thing. It's what keeps my brain in my head rather than in my lap or under the sofa when my expectations are not being met and my will being done. I love the lawyer comment LOL. You got a legal aid office in your town? They can help if they are there and it will save you some bucks. "Let go and Let God", "Easy does it", "Turn it over", "When in doubt DON'T", and my favorite "Don't react" are good slogans for me when I am considering playing around in my pity pot and smelling up my situation.
well give this pause: the number of lawyers in washington (I'm assuming DC?) is 14 per square mile. More per square mile means the really small stuff, like paper work for a divorce, isn't worth worrying about. Now were you to run for president....
Ok - checking in to the Legal Aid office is a good idea. I did that too when I first started searching for lawyers. Unfortunately for me, I also found out that I made too much money (I am above poverty level) for them to help me out any. But hey, it is always worth a try.
I didn't not think there was a state any more conservative than VA. I my opinion it is the rich getting richer, the poor getting all kinds of financial help from the government so they are eating better and dressing better than the middle class folks and those of us middle class folks stuck in the middle, struggling to make ends meet, working 2 jobs or more to put food on the table, not eligable for a dime of help from the government and suffering strokes and mental breakdowns from years of stress without relief.
I just changed my dependents on my paycheck from 0 to 2 for this year. It increase my bring home pay by $44 for a 2 week paycheck. However, if I switch from married with 2 dependents to single with 2 dependents in DECREASES my bring home by $100. How is THAT fair. There ought to be an option for single with kids and they take even LESS out in taxes........but hey that is a whole other subject.
Off my soap box.......Now just keep searching. You'll find the right lawyer at the best price possible. In the meantime, you can be working to save the money to pay for that lawyer...so the longer you search the more money you will have saved up. :) OPTIMISM
One thitng that comes up for me whenever I have to deal with the next step is how angry I am at the A. For a long time he did hold it together. For a long long time I could count on him at some level. Then this past year in 2007 he just totally lost it. In January last year he spent the whole month just saying that he didn't get paid, hanging out with his friends and presumably using and blame blame blame blame blame. He was incredibly passive aggressive to me. He didn't cooperate on any level. There were lots of times before then he would go through phases of that but somehow last year he let it all go. He just stopped doing anything remotely constructive.
For me one of the hardest parts of leaving is that there is so many parts to it. Leaving psychologically was as hard as the nuts and bolts of leaving. I have no more "ties" to the A bar a post office box which he uses and which I go to from time to time just to look at the mail. Nevertheless for me the repercussions of leaving him will be there for years. Repairing my credit will take years and as a result renting a decent apartment will take a while for me.
I have to rmemeber to keep my expectaitons low. I can go into miracle worker mode and think I can clear up all this stuff in a rapid sucession but I can't. For me its important to be realistic aboout what I can do and have "patience" with myself that sometimes it is difficult. Nevetheless for me it is far far far far less difficult than trying to live wtih him or deal with him on any level.
I called legal aid a long long time ago and they don't do domestic cases. Only criminal and disability. So no help there. I just have to bite the bullet and I feel the resentment surging back up of having to spend money I could be spending on the kids just to be rid of him!
There is a ray of hope in every dark, gloomy corner of life. I promise!!
My exH and I did our own divorce papers--paying only the court fees. We purchased a book online for divorce (check Amazon.com for used versions). In the book, there are formats for each varying state and when you go to the courthouse to file, someone there has to re-read the papers prior to filing anyhow (so you don't end up looking like an idiot in front of the judge).
In my situation, we (my exH and I) were congenial with our divorce--ending with joint custody of our daughter and not sharing any assets. It was easier than spending $500ea on a lawyer for each of us just for a divorce.
Check it out and see if it is something you can do yourself. Hope all works out well!!
--Just For Now
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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
