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Ya know how everyone gets down about Christams? Not me, even when it was the most emotionally sucky Christams ever. I let the spirit and society carry me. Why not? It's once a year, there's the spiritual aspect to it, it's my birthday. I don't know why but Christams, no matter what, I can do with little or no bad feelings.
New year's is just the oppisite for me. I hate it, I always have. Since I was a kid. It is an extreme bittersweet feeling and nothing seems to make it better. I have partied, been drunk, I have been sober, I have done the family thing with the kids, I have done the date thing with the ex, I have done the "completly ignore it and go to bed very early despite it" thing. Nothing seems to soothe these feelings of lonliness and despair.
I have kind of accepted it as just the way I feel about new years and try to prepare myself for it. This year I asked my kids to invite their friends over for a kid party. So, looks like it will be me, three 9 year olds and three 13 year olds and my 4 yr old. I think it will be fine, I can keep up a good act when it comes to the kids. They have no idea how important it was for me to have them have friends over. It will distract me and keep me out of my head.
I have lost everything this past year. I don't like to say it was a bad year and I can't wait for it to be over. I don't think it was the year. I think it is life which means that this comming year will also be life. I do not like the marking of the passing of time. I just want to live. I hate the regrets and expectations that come with the end of the old and the beginning of the new. I don't like to think that this year will be different. I like to think tomarrow will be different, not an entire year. And with all that has happened this past year there is so much good that has happened also so I can't just chalk it all up to a bad year.
I hate labels. My inlaws always had to label everyone. First time they would meet someone they would have them figured out. The kids all had their labels (as given by mother superior) as to who they were and what they would be. Like my middle one being a drama queen and being big trouble when she grows up.....???? Just hate that mentality. So, here comes my bout with questionable depression and sadness. Thing is, I see it now and I can do something about it....I hope. I will be at my meeting Tuesday night, I am so excited! I haven't been to Tuesday night since Sept. and I miss my friends.
Feeling that sinking feeling tonight and just putting it out there. My belated bah-humbugness...
Serendipity ~ Wow, your post REALLY hit home for me. I always feel that strange, sad pull at new years. I was having this exact conversation with a friend yesterday. We were recalling how we each have celebrated the new year over the years. Your list sounds exactly like mine. And I gotta admit, those new years when I can manage to get sweet relief through sleep, have been some of my best. I think the expectations are so high for this fun, frolicking end to the year. Bah humbug indeed!!! I usually tell my friends that New Years Eve is "amateur night" for partyers - and I have no interest in sharing the road with them. So I choose to stay home most years. So as of right now, I have no plans. A little sad about that - okay more than a little sad about that - but I'm determined to climb out of the deep well of sadness and maybe, just maybe spend tomorrow night in complete gratitude. Gratitude that I survived this silly year and that I still have some sanity. Actually there's so much to be grateful for - and when I'm feeling crappy and low - those are the times that I need to get my notebook out and write, write, write - and really get in touch with that gratitude.
You're not alone with this end of the year lonely feeling. Your kids party sounds like an excellent solution! Enjoy!!!!!!
I wish we could come spend New Years at your house! My kids are 14, 10 and 3, so it would probably work out great. Uhh, and we'd have something in common to chat about, huh?
I didn't make any plans (though they typically are last minute anyhow), but on the phone tonight my 14 yr old son was trying to conjure up something. I told him we would spend it playing thier new Wiii (dad's hero gift that would not work on the tv at their hotel). I got some sparkling juice and I will make some snack foods and really try to get "into it" for them. As for my ah, uggghhh, just gotta try not to think about it.
To be honest with you, I pretty much dislike all holidays. I appreciate their meaning, but I have negative associations with all of them. Ok, except Easter, that one is pretty benign and manageable for me.
Funny, in that I always look forward to New Years but only so the past can be over, not necessarily because I think the new will be good. Wow! That was enlightening.
Even though your post was about disliking the new year, it still was full of hope and gratitude. I really like that about you, Serendipity. You really put things in perspective. Have fun at your Tuesday night meeting!
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
seren, maybe there is balance in your winter holiday- Christmas being one end of the spectrum and New Years being the other...I have ritualized New Years in order to make it my own wherever I happen to be. I write out what I wish to say good bye to and what I wish to say hello to. I burn the good byes and try to plant the hellos, even if its in a snow bank (not the case for me this year). I focus on really grieving the deaths of the good byes. Then I focus on really welcoming the hellos. I feel a lot of gratitude for both. Both have served me somehow even though I may not be able to articulate this. This whole process takes several days. Its a personal ritual that honors my process. Take what you would like and leave the rest. Where I live, Chinese New Years is almost more important than christmas and technically that is not until Feb. there is a lot of fireworks and firecrackers for new years- scaring out the old, shaking up everything, blasting through what is no longer useful. i love this even though its really really noisy from around 7PM to 4AM!!! It is like nothing I have ever seen or heard before-
I think the kid party sounds good. Maybe you can tell your kids how glad you are to be with them and how glad you are that they are there to have a party with! What better thing to celebrate than them and their bright futures?! Have fun, hugs. J.
oh that's great cookie! If it looks like the neighbors are up I will haul those kids out on the front porch with all my pots and pans! How fun!
And Jean, I was on another forum and there was a post about a mom not having money this year for gifts for the kids so she wrote down how wonderful and special each kid is ann she put those in gift bags. I was inspired and I did the same and I think I will give it to my kids new years day.
see Lou, maybe we should move closer. I have a hard time with easter. We always used to have these huge family easter egg hunts and a big sit down dinner (I once peeled 20 lbs of potatos and left my hand bruised and I couldn't move it for a few days) The last 3 easters have been stinky. But I am already planning a party for easter.
round, I wonder if we seem to connect because we have the same name...Ellen?
Well, ladies, I am going to go get excited about sparkling grapejuice, snow, and munchies an makeovers and dressup. It is going to be a blast. I want to be this mom. the one who says sure have your friends over and have a party (no boys and no silliness) it will be fun. I don;t think of it as new years I think of it as just a fun party. The impromptu kind!
