The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, my resolve to attend f to f Friday fell through. My husband could not handle the grandchild alone as his illness continues to lay him low. I will continue to plan for next week.
We kept child TH and FRI while his mother worked (well, I don't think she really worked one of the days, but that's another story.) Today was her day-long social event. Son was to be here for the entire day with his child and help us care for him since we are both not entirely well and already exhausted from two full days. She changed plans again. Rather than child being with us until late tonight, she announced that a neighbor of hers would be picking child up at a certain time....son now hasn't the visitation time he was promised. Also altho she knows her neighbor well, we do not. Have met only once briefly. My son doesn't know her at all. He was totally sober and helpful today, but left prior to her; understand that. My sweet grandbaby was totally confused when this person arrived and said "no" several times. I told him his mama wanted him to go with ______ and eventually he said bye and went. At 2 1/2 years of age, it was heartbreaking. He was very confused as this was completely new.I can only think this action was to hurt my son and my husband and me; we are at the mercy of the divorce decree. She has full and total custody and makes all the decisions as to when, who, and how visits occur. So far we have had no problems, altho our son is devastated and remains so. But now it seems that perhaps she is trying to distance herself further from us as well. Having only done the "right" thing for our grandbaby this has me undone once more. I know fully well the grandparent rights thing and how it applies in this state....we have few if any rights. In our state the parent(s) are always the prevailing party unless declared unfit...not the case at all here. I refuse to put my grandchld through any kind of battle; it is better if we just bow down and do as told/asked/ordered. Our son's drinking has now caused us this grief....even tho he is a highly functioning A and has had no arrests, no job loss, etc. He is faithful to the child, he pays his support, he come to our house almost daily for his visits and any other time that the child is here. He cares for him lovingly....diapers, food, games, gifts, hugs, kisses, reading....the whole thing. He tries so hard to be as good a dad as he gets the chance to be. But then there is that binge thing and nothing good happens. We are good and decent people. I just don't understand how this whole family mess has happened to us. If I can get myself in gear, I will attend f to f next week.
This room has helped me immensely. I know the huge mess that affected me when I lived with an A so I would say it happens to the best of people. The more I am into al anon the less likely I am to encounter people who are addicted. Maresie.
My grandchildren have been in and out of my life for years now.
I finally had to let go of the anger that I felt towards both my daughter and my former son-in-law, because neither have the children's best interests at heart.
My anger and resentments were robbing me of peace of mind.
It IS such a difficult situation when innocent children are involved.
I feel your pain (((hugs)))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
