The material presented
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My son got arrested for being drunk in public and trespassing. He was at a party at a friends house and got so drunk that when he went out in front to smoke a cigarette and took a little walk he got so disoriented that he ended up in the wrong house (a neighbors). It was around 12:30 am, he opened the front door and passed out on the living room floor. The people found him and called the ambulance. Found out he was just drunk, so they called the police who in turn arrested him and took him to jail. My son couldn't believe this happened, he dosen't remember anything. He told me that's it, I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN! Of course, stupid me believed him once again! I said so Scott, how many days do you have of sobriety, isn't it around 10 days now? He said, I have a confession, I know you're going to get mad. I have 6 days, because on my birthday (3 days after the arrest) I went out with my friends to celebrate my birthday. I was pissed! I guess at myself for getting my hopes up so high! So on New Years Eve, I'm sure he'll be getting drunk because it' new years eve and he'll have to celebrate. I'm so nervous that I'll be getting a call from the police or the hospita that night. I guess when he is ready, he will stop!! This is his 5th arrest for alcohol related situations. Can anyone relate to this? Please give me your advice.
I just pray for my HP to give me the strength to handle whatever happens to my A son. I use to sit up and worry constantly just like I did when I was younger and living with an A dad. I hate this disease but I cannot let it control me anymore. I am really learning detachment now. Whatever happens....happens. It is not in my hands...it never was!
I think what I'm hearning is alot of anger at yourself for believing and trusting your son and then finding out that he is powerless over his disease. You can choose to be as angry as you need to be for as long as you need to be, and you can choose to be as angry at yourself for as long as you need to be, but at a certain point you may want to give serious thought to the fact that, ultimately, to gain serenity, you will need to live and let live. If you want a sense of control and peace in your life, you will need to find a sense of control in your self and the best way to do that is to work the steps of al anon. It is normal to trust our loved ones and to believe what they are telling us; it is harder to understand what a disease like alcholism is doing to them. I would also put this family that found your son on your gratitude list. I know many individuals, including my own family, who would have caused your son grave bodily injury or outright killed him. I was taught from a very young age with home intruders to shoot first and ask questions later; thank god I have not ever had to use this logic, and thank god, THANK GOD I have never followed it--any time a repair man has let himself in, or someone has let themselves in (like a neighbor or something) I have used the restraint and calmness our program teaches and emphasizes. I know, however, if my father had been home and your son had staggered into our basement, odds are he would be in ICU, as my father still believes in "shoot first, question later." I am very glad you are here. Please come back.
Hi Roxy, I can sympathize what you are going through and feeling, been there myself. Don't be mad at yourself, You didn't cause it, You can't cure it and You sure can't control it, just do what is good for you. That is the only thing you have control over anyway.
I have lost sleep, worried myself sick, literally and made bad decisions and it didn't change what my son did one iota. So I had to turn him over to HP, who I call God and let it be.
That was the turning point of my life.
I hope you keep coming here and getting the support you need.
I can tell you when I came to these rooms I was beside myself. The A I was with (a boyfriend) was out all the time. He had many many many run ins with the law. He had also damaged the truck I had bought tremendously. I was sick with worry, full of resentment and absolutely beside myself. I came here regularly to vent and I did vent a great deal that first holiday. I found people here who listened. I also let out a lot of sorrow, a lot of rage, a lot of fear. That helped tremendously. In time I started working on tools I learned here, detachment, focusing on me, taking care of me, working on me.
I know of course we all would like a magic spell to make them stop. I also know that there are people here whose spouses, children, family did stop. There is always hope.
I can't give you a happy ending. In time over a long long long period of time I let the A I was with. I see sawed with him for a long time after that. He was homeless I cared for him until it hurt me deeply. He is now staying at his Uncles. I no longer am n contact with him. I can tell you that alone is a mirace because I always felt that if I knew where he was I would "know" that he was not destroyed. The fact is that the A I was with still decides daily to "use" on some level so my knowing something doesn't make a lot of difference. He is choosing chaos and i am choosing to be away from it. I can't say that came overnight.
I do know this room of all places helped me immensely. I have posted and been here for days on end at times. The first holiday I was here I spent a lot of time in the chat room. I found the meetings immensely helpful. There are many many many wise and wonderful people here. The longer I spent around here the more I felt the program rub off on me.
I am no longer the nervous "wreck" I was when I got in these room. I am happy, I am fulfilled, I am serene. I did not have that before.
I am glad to be alive when there were many many times I was absolutely suicidal and despairing dealing with the A.
