The material presented
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Ok, this is a looonnnnggg holiday with all the kids home from schools & AH on vacation from work. Up and down, dodging balls that I feel are zipping right at me. The sinking feelings that could have made me sad as change happens, expressed in a way of gratitude earlier really helped me to look at things as progress made. As change happens, it sure does get messy during the process and the process can sure be tiring.
AH has been in a foul mood and trying to pick a fight all day with zingers or commands vs kindness. I am holding my own and walking away when I can but these cycles of kindness and possibility to hope then switching back to arrogant and self centered behavior continues to drive me crazy. When AH is like this, he acts like everything is wrong and everything wrong is my fault. It isn't but A's sure need someone to blame. It's all attitude so if I were to complain that he is taking it out on me, then he can turn it around as I must be feeling guilty and he never said it was my fault. I do wonder if I am using distorted thinking so I feel he is blaming me or if he unconsciously just has a bad attitude that he throws at me if I am around. Could be these are meant to be just nomal questions but they just sound autocratic, acusing or arrogant because of his rotton mood.
Anyways, walking away and doing things I want to do has helped me to get through today. Also got another winter walk in today which I am really enjoying - the fresh air and outdoors clears my head. One day at a time is all I want to think about at this rate. Have you ever noticed that some folks in a rotton mood want everyone around them to be in a rotton mood to commiserrate with them. I actually had some moments of joy today and have to work hard at not feeling guilty for feeling joyous. Good grief! How he can do that is amazing or I allowed those feelings in the past and just fighting myself with old automatic behaviours. Time to go to bed so I will dodge any more zingers ............ g'nite.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Happy Holidays ddub. Isnt this what the holidays are all about really. A little this and a little that. I grabbed Getting Them Sober V4 about crazymaking and how alcoholics blame the families p 54-55. Makes sense to me. Your awareness is great. They don't seem to have an on and off button. Isn't the outdoors great? I am going out as soon as it warms up.
Ya know dodge ball is not allowed in most schools anymore because it makes one kid a target, it is unfair and it hurts!
Good for you in seeing what is. I am so familiar what you mean about everything being wrong and it all being your fault. I used to also experience anger at everything and nothing. For years I would try and defend myself and try and make him see the truth. How futile that was.
You can't question your thinking because you are not the one distorted. I remember a time when my ah was complaining that I was negative all the time. So, I decided to turn it around and fake it, ya know. Smiling, eye contact, friendly, the works... Then he yells at me, "Knock it off, I hate all this happy sh**" Aaaaaaaahhhh!!!
Truth of the matter is that he was the negative and miserable one, and I think he knew it, but he needed to blame to relieve his guilt.
He is now in recovery and ocassionally shares his AA experiences and what he is learning from the shares of others. I am just praying that he is indirectly saying what he is learning about himself, but that still may be too much to hope for at this point.
Just the other day he told me how someone said they suddenly realized that in all the bad/negative experiences he had had, that he suddenly realized he was the common denominator in all of them. I just wanted to scream, "DUUUH! I've been telling you that for years" It was so clear and obvious to me, but seriously a revelation for him.
Have you ever read the Al-Anon pamphlet titled "Alcoholism, A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial"? It is written like an imaginary play and demonstrates how the illness of alcoholism is perpetuated and the recovery is hampered by all the people in his life. I just got it the other night and had to wonder why I never saw the author when he was looking in my windows taking notes!
The confusing and crazy thoughts and interpretations you think you have, well, just know you are not alone. They are felt and expressed by others and written in the literature. I find comfort in that and hope you can too.
Glad you could get away, take a walk and feel some joy. Remember feeling joy is good. We need and deserve to be happy.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Yeah, that arrogant, dismissive tone- directing, controlling, demanding, criticizing. Then: "please be nice to me" all sweet.
All I can say is that this is very familiar to me also. He is so miserable. He needs to elevate himself and rain on my parades as much as possible. Like a kid kicking my sand castle. This is so dumb, this endless dynamic. I am getting really tired of it.
Why should I continue to live a life like that with a person who needs to behave that way 24/7? Nicest guy in the world to all the strangers out there- courteous, friendly, attentive, helping people. With his family: crap, doesn't lift a finger, never around and then when he is he is completely obnoxious and belligerent!
Oh well, all I can do at the moment is focus on me and what I want. Work the steps. Go to meetings. Read the literature. J.
Have a good one. When you get up the only side of the street you need to keep clean is your own. This program, the steps, traditions, concepts and all recovery is about "self" recovery for self. He cannot get sober for you and you cannot get serene for him. We Trust God (steps 1 - 3 ) Clean our own houses (steps 4 - 11) Help others (steps 12) and if he works this program he learns to do the same thing with or without your participation.
I just went to purchase a otc med for motion sickness. How appropriate the title of your post but not so much in my life anymore. TBFTGOGGI ((((hugs))))
Birds of a feather flock together. Now that's great when the birds are positive ones however when they are all negative and enjoy it, that's another bird we don't want to involve ourselves with.
I heard in the beginning of my recovery "I don't have to attend every fight I am invited to" and it seems like you are doing this. Congrats to you!!!!!!!!!!!
The weekends here and then Monday will be here before you know it.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
