The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been going to grad school in Hawaii and I will be finished at the end of the coming semester. I have lots and lots of options but I have to keep my side of the street clean so I need to go back to my AH and take care of some "stuff".
I do not know if we are going to get divorced or give it another try. In our separation (2 years), we have been working our programs independently. We have not been in touch much which has been really wise and useful for me.
Its strange, I am not afraid. I know I do not need to stay. I know I won't get roped in again, I know too much now. I am alot wiser and I have a program, thank God.
There are many unknowns for me but I am learning that unknowns may be the best thing in the world because they are engraved invitations for miracles from my HP! They are like empty canvases waiting for the hand of God to paint on them.
Just yesterday a gorgous new super nice bicycle came into my life. I did not buy it. It does not belong to me. But I get full access to it. I am so grateful!!! And its totally top of the line, too. Also, I got a house-sit situation so I can live like a queen for seven weeks and get out of my little rented room. I will have swimming pools and hot tubs! Its like a miracle, the best christmas gift I could ever want. Its like my HP saying, "its going to be all right." and I know this now- my future is HOT!!! I am the butterfly right before it emerges from its long dark cocoon!!!
So, I know going back does not really mean "going back" in any way, shape or form. I got ammends. I got biz to take care of. It ain't gonna be pretty but I have to face the music so I can keep my side of the street clean. Thank you for listening. hugs, J.
I reconnected with the A after I left him this summer. I do not feel like it was going back to him. I had unfinished business with him. Now I have none. Theer is nothing more to be said. There was much this summer.There was much for me in realising that I could not stop his self destructive behavior. I started to be able to view myself. I would agree if you are working a program you do not go backwards. I am glad you find much to be grateful for in your life. I find that hard going some days.I work on it.
In my experience this was a blessing for me. It was such precious times when I was able to have a bit more of him, and be able to ignore the disease.
So good for you lady. I would like to say, now be careful, aism is a very insidious disease. It can smack us right in the face no matter how seasoned we are in alanon. When it does, I hope you just get right back on your path and be happy you have a path to get back onto.
I kicked my butt a few times when the disease snuck up. rrrr It would be going just fine, very very nice,romantic, felt so close, next thing I know the disease is calling our home a toilet and he is going to burn it down, or I just mop the floor and he lets the muddy dogs in....then my gut dropped out.
Hope you will cont. to post so we can support ya,and know how you are.
Wow ya gonna invite us all over to your temporary heaven??? Now you wear a helmet when you ride!
oops that was advice...um I invite you to wear a helmet when you are riding the bike. Love,debilyn
yes I am going to get a helmet this evening, you read my mind debilyn!
OH YEAH, I am pretty confident Aism will bite me in the butt, its always gonna do that, I think. But as long as I got this place and my F2F's and my literature, its OK and I can get back on track. I am human and its in my nature to screw up, right?! that is part of what we are here for, to learn, I think. Can't learn w/o screwin' up! (at least I sure can't) But to have a program makes all the difference in the world. Just pick myself up, like you said Debilyn, and get myself to a meeting, make a call, etc.
I do not expect any romance. He never was that way. His appeal was that he was just a good solid guy (so I thought and some of the times HE IS- this is Aism in a nutshell). Basic. Honorable. Does what he needs to do. And usually he is this way, but you all know what I mean about the dr. jekyll and mister hyde thing! Hugs, J.
