The material presented
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I haven't spoke to my A in almost a week- though I have thought of him often. Today I was having a moment a weakness and instead of calling him I decided to turn it over to my HP. I did this and went into work. When I got out I had a text from him asking if "I needed a friend?" I haven't responded. Now I am a little confused. I turned him and my desire to connect with him over to my HP and then he makes contact with me. Is that significant or am I looking for signs? This same scenario has happened in variations many times and I've wondered if it is my HP leading him to me or maybe the devil tempting me. I am so glad to now have you all to bounce these things around with- truly thankful!
CoDe, The question that I would ask myself if I were you would be (in response to the text): "Has this A been a friend to me?" I would interpret my HP communicating with me through the text from the A in that way- but see, that is me and my HP communicating, not you and yours. You and your HP have your own thing going on just between the two of you. Your own first impression may be the best way to interpret it before you muddy the waters with any confusion or distorted thinking (which us al-anons sometimes have a tendency towards). This is just my ESH, take what you would like and leave the rest.
(BTW, I would just set the devil thing off to the side for now- everything is focused between you and your HP, a match made in heaven, truly!!!)
I have wished for my A to get in touch with me and like magic someone who is not an A will get in touch with me like my sister or some other good friend. I love that when that happens!! Its often like clockwork although I wish for the A's contact less and less which does not mean that I do not love him or anything, it just means that I trust that he will get in touch with me when he wants and that is now perfectly a-ok with me. It sure did not used to be OK- I would be waiting on him and waiting on him and waiting on him. I do not any more and it is so much better. thank goodness for al-anon!!! hugs, J.
no test , alcoholics never stay where thier supposed to. hehe they are boomerangs just keep commin back , til we say enough or give in an try again you said u hadnt contacted him in two weeks seems the more unavailable we become the more they want to be around = go figure == just do whats best for you the relationship will take care of it's self . Louise
Back in March when I was not as strong as I am now... ;) I said to HP just give me a sign of what is the right thing to do and almost immediately the phone rang and it was the A. I hung up. Then his mom called and said he wants you to pick him up (just got out of jail in SC after serving 10 days for burglary) and he will give you $500 of his check from his last job. I had spent $100 getting the car I had given him 2 weeks before out of impound so I figured I'd at least recoup the money and he could see his kids for a minute. So after about 2 hours of arguing with myself I decided to pick him up. He smelled like alcohol when I got him but of course he was just drinking fruit juice again... Anyway, we went out to dinner and I brought him home. We slept together and something clicked in me that night that made me realize that every time I saw him could and probably would be the last. I got some sort of acceptance and all my resentments of him went away. I genuinely felt sorry for him but not oh poor baby sorry just it's sad that you have chosen this sorry. I took him the next day to get his check and ended up with about $700 instead of $500. We had lunch together and then I encouraged him to turn himself in for his warrant (he had a court date while he was in jail) and I left and went home. Ever since then my perspective has been completely different. I consider that the point where I was able to move on and leave him behind. I don't know what it was inside me that changed and I do know it was me that changed, but I am very very thankful for it. I think maybe I realized then that he was never going to change and even if he did it didn't matter to me anymore. Since then I have visited him once in jail and talked to him on the phone about 3 or 4 times. I always felt that I asked for a sign, I was given one and by following it my life was forever changed. It's seemed rather mysterious to me but I wouldn't change a thing.
I can give you my ESH. No matter what the a said to everyone else in the world about hating me not wanting me around he was always in touch with me in various forms. He would go for a while then he would ask me in again. I always went. This summer with a lot of program under my belt I set limits. I did not jump up and run to live with him. I stayed away. I kept a distance. Admittely I rescued him a lot but I did not throw my whole life away for him. That was what the A always wanted for me to throw my life away for him and then have him abandon me over and over again. I think it took me a lot of program being here daily sometimes all day to get to a place of detachment. I don't know that there are signs I know when I prayed and prayed and prayed the A would be ok he contacted me. He was never ok. He was always digging some hole. He dug a hole this year that he could not get out of. I tried to help him out of it and was punished for it.
The signs for me are in the program. The program for me is in taking care of me.I put him in God's hands. There is some reason that God has him around still with all his crazy suicidal and homocidal behavior (he drives recklessly). I am not sure what it is but I don't question it anymore.
I was incredibly attached to the A for years. I became more attached to me with this program that was one of the turning points for me when I was in the picture rather than out of it.
