The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanksgiving was a disaster for me. I got pulled into stuff in the house I live in. I am determined not to do that this Christmas. The issue for me is that I have even more time off. For lots of reasons I was not able to get a part time job. I had a part time job that was time limited. That helped. For lots of reasons I could not get something for next week. In some ways I could really do with the break. I have lots of goals set for msyelf and I have broken down what I need to do. I am really unsure of what expectations to make for myself. On the one hand I want to have effective goals on the other hand I always had to deal with the As goals and needs on a holiday. I dont' really have much idea what mine are anymore. A lot of my needs are not going to be met over the holiday. I live in a very very very dysfunctional place. I do not need to try to engage my housemates in anything but the most perfunctory business. One of my housemates wants to. I am not going to fall in the trap of helping her. She wants to do it she can. I am not going to. I am not even going to discuss it with her because she just gets into an obsessathon.
In theory the most disruptive person in the house is supposed to move out in February. I can put a lot of my needs for a nice home aside until then. I have to since that is my reality.
I have set some reasonable goals for msyelf for the early new year. None of them include the ex A. I have absolutely no intention of bringing him into my life in any shape or form next year. I know he will probably call over the holidays and I am just going to tell I am sick. I am in essence I am absoltuely totally sick and tired of his behavior and expect nothing from him. Saing I am ill is a great boundary. he wants nothing to do with me when I am sick.
I feel a bit at sea when I am taking care of myself trying not to stumble on land minds. Being boundaried is really hard work. I constantly have to assess my situation and try to work out how I should behave. Reality is painful but I have to say its so much much more comfortable than living in denial with the A.
Great plans to not get in the middle of the craziness. Have you thought of anything nice you could do just for yourself? Go to a candlelight service - listen to carols on the radio - make a nativity sketch and hang it on the wall - make your favorite cranberry orange relish, or spiced apple cider..... just one little thing that is associated with happy times for YOU. I remember when I first went away to school, I took the end of a fallen branch - maybe a foot & a half long or less, with lots of little twigs - and painted it white, and hung balls of tin foil off it. Somehow it made me smile and I felt a little less lonely.
