I havent been here at this forum long. But my alcoholic bf called me names all the time and said things that I know he didn't mean.  I have heard that saying as well and I think sometimes they do that and other times they just hurt so bad they just want it all to go away.  This probably doesn't help but it is my experience.

Personally I never got the "file the papers" speech, but I when I ticked of my ex AH I got the "get the H*ll out of my house" speech.

I knew that in the morning, he would feel different, so I would just lay low till he passed out, and then go about my business. I too, would ask him the next day if he meant it, and he would say no he didnt. Didnt make it any less stressful for me though.

forget what u heard  , booze talk is just that , he was ticked cause u caught the lie and had to make u feel bad to get out of it . Alcoholics will do and say anything to get us off thier b acks . it's an old game and it always works .
Get into this program and learn to detach  that works too .

This is such a great topic, whatnow, thanks for bringing it up. Its a really good example of exploring the options of what you could do in a situation like this.

I was the one wanting a divorce all the time and when he finally agreed I freaked out (sounds like rtexas). We had a history of domestic violence. We have been sep. for two years now and are carefully considering getting back into each others lives (or not). We have been working our own programs separately. We have not divorced. Yet. I do not know if we will or not. I take it one day at a time. There are a lot of obstacles. We are 4000 miles apart right now for one thing.

I have my own disease that I turn over to my HP each and every morning I wake. Before coming into these rooms I would do and say many things to generate trauma and drama and a ton of manipulation to get a rise out of him. I was horrible. I still have that capacity (and its darn tempting sometimes...) but thanks to al-anon I can see a much healthier and better way. I was not getting what I wanted and needed. I wanted good people in my life, for real. I am finding this is coming because of a ton of psychotherapy and attending 2-3 al-anon meetings weekly and coming to this board.

Keep coming back. It works. Hugs, J.

To: whatnow

I think it is very common behavior for an alcoholic to say things that he/she does not mean.  I know my recovering AH did for several years.  While under the influence he would show me where the door was, and he also told me to file for a divorce countless times.  He said a lot of ugly things.  Over the years, I saw a mild-mannered, considerate, kind man change into this hateful, potty-mouthed, negative person.

I did file and left on the day he was served the papers.  Three weeks later, he entered a 30-day rehab facility and has been sober ever since.  It's only been 5 months.  So far, so good.  I continue to live outside of our home; we both agree that we need time to process everything and deal with our own issues, as well as get some joint counseling.

In a short time, he has begun to see what it was like for me when he drank, which was every night.  He tells me that he realized that he was a hateful, negative person.  He seems to have changed so much in such a short period of time.  I do hope he continues to grow emotionally.  I think alcoholism stunts one's emotional growth.  I'm sure no one would argue that point.

I'm not certain if we will get back together, as man and wife.  I, too, take it one day at a time.  All I can say right now is that it is wonderful to see him doing so well.  But I am cautious.  I do understand about relapses.

May you find peace and self-trust.  Stormie

Speaking as someone who had drank and ran my mouth many times- I didn't mean half of what I said and have no idea where some of it came from.

(((whatnow))) I feel for you and what you are going through, learning how to detach will help you greatly. When my a would come home drunk, verbally abusive to who ever he felt like picking on for the day, it would just crush me, until I learned to detach. Then when I was stronger I set my boundries, such as, you can not speak to me that way......I will not discuss this while you are drunk....It worked for me anyways and after my a knew I meant what I said, he respected my boundries. As for the lies, I caught my a in many, but when I confronted him with them, I made sure I was talking to a sober person, this gave me some time to think, and I knew he would hear what I was saying. My a and I are no longer together though to be honest...I'm better off, this is what worked for me, you have to decide what works for you. keep coming back!
grateful

They say a lot of mean and hurtful things sometimes. I've been called every foul name under the sun and then some. As a human with a heart that feels it's hard to ignore all the verbal jabs and when it's constantly repeated a person gets a bit beat down over time. If you can, try to simply walk away and vent here or to a trusted friend, you'd get more out of that than trying to argue with a deranged drunk. I do believe when they are drunk they are brain damaged and I don't have serious conversations with brain damaged people. I exit when I can and I journal. When I can't exit I use my 3M earplugs and drown him out while I go abouts the place doing chores - this may not be possible if your A is prone to physical attacks. Like a child with a temper tantrum they eventually get tired of listening to themselves and getting little to no reaction and retreat.