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Ok My H has acted as an A since last spring it excelerated recently.Then over Thanksgiving we had a talk and I told him how I feel and my worries.Now he hasn't had a drink that I'm aware of since Thanksgiving day? Can a real alcoholic just stop like that? Is he just a ticking time bomb. I don't know what to think.I don't want to get my hopes too high then get them crushed.
Please find an Al-Anon meeting for yourself . Your husb will do what he has to do . try our prog for a few months and see how u feel , at least u can make an informed decisssion not one based on ??????. All people are diff , alcoholics are diff and every one recovers differently .
CH, my A (wife) is like that - it's possible for her to not drink for a few days, and then start up again. So yes it is possible for them to do that. Being an A does not necessarily mean that you drink every day, though most do.
Agree strongly with the suggestion to try Alanon. It has been of great value to me.
"Can a real alcoholic just stop like that?" you ask... Yep. It can and it does happen. But sobriety is a tricky thing; we can never take for granted or allow ourselves the pleasure of thinking they will never drink again. You take care of you! AlAnon meetings will help you understand that while you cannot ever change his destiny, you can change your own. I wish you both well.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Just because they do not drink does not mean any attitudes change.... for many A's it takes time and working their program for changed attitudes.. just like it does for us in Alanon...
Welcome! So often I want to say "glad you are here" -- it's just such a painful reason to be here that it seems silly to say I'm glad, but I can promise you there is relief here and in the rooms of Alanon -- so much so that many of us do say we are glad to be here.
I remember questioning...well if my AH could just stop then he must not be an A, right? Isn't an A someone who couldn't keep a job, mine works hard. Doesn't an A stumble around? Mine didn't -- oh and the big one -- he couldn't be an A, he only drinks beer. LOL These things kept me in denial, I didn't want my husband to be an A.
As others have shared, it's near impossible to define an Alcoholic -- it is a disease that crosses all barriers and in the end isn't really the most important question to answer. The real question is does this person's drinking affect you? And what kind of affect is it having?
You may find yourself doing things you never thought you'd do because of this disease, we can lose ourselves in trying to control something that just isn't within our power to control -- it can be such a relief to realize that you didn't cause it and you can't control it -- but one of the most important things I realized was that it had nothing to do with love. I thought if my Ah loved us enough he would stop -- it's an addiction and it didn't matter how much he loved us.
I'm glad that your H is not drinking, but you have worries, they are real. No one wants their loved one to be an A -- heck, As don't want to be As -- but the reality is that his drinking is affecting you and there is something you can do about that. I would encourage you to get the book How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics and to read as much as you can about Aism. And try to find a face to face meeting in your area, they offer so much.
