The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, This is my first post here, but I've been in and out of al-anon rooms for years. L-o-n-g (oh so long) story - but here's the quick version. Known this man for 30 years. Dated him moons ago. Broke up. Got back together years later and got engaged. Engagement broken due to vicious alcoholism, and his out-of-control life. He was in and out of treatment. Kindest, smartest, sweetest, funniest man you'll ever meet. Alcohol took EVERYTHING from him. A couple of years ago we got back in touch with each other. He's now living overseas. Found that he was still battling the demon. Went into rehab/halfway house a year ago. We've grown very close again. He fell off the wagon on Thanksgiving Day and now I don't know where he is. No contact. Cell phone off. Not on the computer. Gone. The last contact I had was on Saturday and he said he was feeling suicidal (has made attempt before). I'm bouncing off walls and am very, very, very sad right now. This man is a good man who's been ripped to shreds by his alcoholism. I'm just looking for some level-headed words here.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. You will find many helpful people here. I know you must feel very frightened. I can only tell you to put him in his HP's hands. Picture HP's arms around him...comforting him. Pray that you will have the strength to handle whatever happens in your life. You have done the first right thing by posting here this morning. You will see that as you read other replies to your post. I will keep you in my prayers today.
Welcome to the MIP family. It's so hard when you feel helpless. Gailey is right, as hard as it may be turn him over to his HP. None of this is your fault. All we can do right now is say a prayer for both of you. Please keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <-- the cat
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
"Kindest, smartest, sweetest, funniest man you'll ever meet."
Your description of this man fits my A to a tee! It is so very sad All you can do, round3, is hand him over, as Gailey said. I do hope that you hear from him soon so that your fears will be relieved. My heart is with you, and you both will be in my prayers and positive thoughts.
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Sounds familiar, R3, mine would do things like this, too. He is also Bipolar and only recently started taking meds again (so he has been improving substantially). One thanksgiving we were at his sisters for the holiday and he ran off on foot w/o any jacket or hat or gloves into the nearby mountains. I was new to all this and ran after him. It was a horrible experience. Today I no longer even consider running after him or going to look for him. It is no longer an option for me. Its not that I do not love him or am not concerned for him, I love him a lot. Its just that I now know that isnt good for me (to go and act nuts like him). I put myself ahead of him. I learned this in al-anon.
(((round3))) Welcome to MIP...so sorry you are going thru this. Not knowing is a scary place to be. I know your heart is breaking not knowing. As was said in earlier post all you can do is turn him over to his HP..and pray for his safety. What you can do is to take care of you...becasue you are worth it. Keeping you both in my prayers.
Oh my gosh - thank everyone so much for your responses. It is a comfort beyond words. I feel like I am so absolutely ALONE in this. (Friends and family wrote him off years ago and wonder why I care about this person.) I don't understand any of this at all. And, Jean4444, my guy is also bipolar. This is so very hard. There is no-one to contact to see if he is alive or dead (or somewhere in between). I feel like part of me is dying inside and yet I have to keep going. Perhaps the most important thing I heard (and needed so desperately to hear) was to give him over to his higher power. So often I forget that I'm not in control and that he has his very own higher power that loves him far more than I do. It's so comforting to remember that. And is it just me - or do the really bad things ALWAYS seem to happen at holiday time? So miserable. Coping through the holidays is the toughest thing.
yes, R3, my family and friends have written him off too. This is really hard (being that I am the people pleaser and want everyone to like him- YUCK).
He has been on meds since April and the difference is simply astounding. What can I say. He no longer collects overdrafts on his accounts like breathing oxygen, he has lost weight and is working consistently, he is getting exercise, etc. He is still drinking but not as much and not as often. He is not in recovery.
We are separated and I am watching from a distance. We will see how this all unfolds. One day at a time.
I know that my family and friends issues are mostly with him and if he choses to clean up his side of the street with them, then he will. If he choses not to, that is his choice to make. I leave this to HP.
We have to keep going even if they choose to do whatever it is that they are going to do. We need to be healthy and happy regardless and we can be with this program.
Hello round glad your here . Sorry your friend is MIA , only words I have for you is that he has a Higher Power too and will take him where he needs to go. Will add u both to my prayers , for a safe return .
