The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
About all I can say about Thanksgiving is "thank God it is over"....now on to the next holiday. I maintained my resolve to not allow anyone or anything to create chaos on Thanksgiving; that was successful. We had a quiet day with my spouse . Our son came for a simple meal and we all managed to choke it down past the lumps in our throats, thinking all the while about the little one who was somewhere else with someone else. Ex DIL didn't say what went on for her and the child, but guess she has that right. With our past relationship I am hurt terribly by her behavior and trying not to be. Would it have been so difficult to allow the child to spend the day with his Daddy and grandparents? It's not as if she was with her family since no one lives here; she wouldn't even say if she was doing anything, so perhaps she didn't. I just don't understand the behavior; no one is harrassing or bothering her. We would have enjoyed so much having the child with us. There was no alcohol, no bad behavior, no problems. But we paid the price, which seems to be the intent here. It all feels like some huge game with power plays and moves I just can't get the hang of. I did, however, get through it all and just kept my mouth shut and my eyes dry. Now we have to worry about Christmas. It gets very old and very very depressing to have to worry all the time about keeping some sense of family. Perhaps it is not worth the efforts I am putting in because they take a toll. But at least one down and I survived it...didn't enjoy it but survived it.
You don't have to worry, you know. Tomarrow (or next week, or this christmas) will take care of itself. It is an insult to HP to worry. HP has it all under control. I am sorry you are hurt by DIL's actions. Maybe she isn't doing it TO you, maybe she is just doing the best she can? I know in my situation, had my ex MIL ever tried to talk to me, just approched me and attempted to talk about what she wanted as far as my kids were concerned, we would not be where we are today. She has all sorts of great excuses for not talking to me, for abandoning my kids. Somehow it's all me, my fault. I am intimadating, I am keeping her from them. But you see, from my point of view, she did some really insane things, her son has done more insane things and she never came to me to explain or just care. I won't use her, I won't have anything to do with her and neither will my kids. I am sick of the drama and pain. I have found wonderful people in this program who give me and my kids what they need. Family is hard. I wonder how suprised and shocked she would be if I told her all the things her son has done to me, my kids and my family. I don't think she wants to take off her rose colored glasses to see what he really is. That's ok. Her decision and I don't blame her for that. I don't blame her for anything anymore. But it has taken a long time and alot of work to get here. And I don't stay long. I can go right back to blame in a heartbeat. ODAT. You made it thru Thanksgiving! WIthout tears and drama! Just keep taking care of you, that is the most wonderful example you can give your grandson.
I just wanted to give you a hug. I am so reminded of when my ex and I went through our divorce. It is such a struggle. I kept having this thought of the picture I thought was the portrait of our lives as i saw it. Little by little, part by part, was painfully erased and repainted new colors, the same people but it was scewed. Not right.
However with a little time we have a new picture here, it isn't exactly what I wanted and it is bit tear stained and the paint is still wet...but and this is a big but...it looks like it is one we can all live with....
One thing I have learned ...divorce isn't easy...it is down right painful on the whole family. Not just the two getting divorce. In your case, although it isn't what you have wished for, you and your husband are going through a sort of divorce too.
There was a christmas, Thanksgiving (fill in with holiday). I spent alone with out my kids here and it was painful. Not what i wanted. Now though, we can have Christmas in July if need be...Ta heck with the Hallmark calender day. It's the love that counts. Could have been this year your dil just didn't want to be alone. She might be feeling real alone if her family is away. Who knows? For us it took time and patience. How I wanted that magic wand!
Omajoy, change is never easy. Your whole family is going through change right now and in time things will settle. If the truth be told I would have loved it if my kids just stayed away from their dad, just spent the holidays with me. The truth is they love him and there was no way I could do that. They wanted to spend time with him. So in time, we all adjusted. Little by little things got better. I don't know if this helps or not. I just wanted to share with you my story.
Holidays are so painful when times aren't right with the people with love. My son called today and said that the baby was born. Hmmm, is it my first grandchild? The mother doesn't know - she had a relationship with my son and another. She spent most of the pregnancy with my son saying she didn't care for the other man. When the other man came back she dropped my son. The other man was with the mother for the birth. And my son is crushed but he was so excited that the baby was born. I guess it will take another month to establish paternity. And then the mother says that even if the baby is my son's she doesn't know if she wants to be with my son. She hasn't said anything about us the grandparents. Guarding my heart. I hope that our HP's have a good plan for these innocent children.
