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Happy Thanksgiving All! I'm actually just getting off the phone with my AH as I type this and dang near ready to cry because I'm not there with him. We've been separated almost 11 months now...(I left him)...and I thought I would be happy to be spending it "My Way" for a change, instead of well..."his"...and we all know what that is...un- der the influence of "something" or more than one thing. This time last year I was actually praying to get out of that situation with him and it happened. Last night I was on here looking back to my 1st post over 2 years ago, and I am thankful in many ways I have come this far...but at the same time...it's bothering me today for some reason. He invited me down to spend Thanksgiving with him and his family,but I sent them an E-Card for Thanksgiving and they viewed it, but never replyed back to me. That tells me they're probably still mad that I left him. He's lost his disability check...his pain pills, since I left and that makes me even more thankful I got out when I did! So that means his mom and dad are putting up/paying for it all. He made a joke about "hitting rock bottom" last week to me on the phone...but I didn't think it was funny because he's still far from it! He lives in a trailer on his mom and dad's property and as long as they keep helping him...well...unless God intervenes...it's not going to happen. So...for today...I will be thankful that we are still talking on the phone and not HATING or BLAMING one another as we still do at times. And I'm also very thankful that I'm not really alone when I have my MIP family...that totally understands where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling! Weak and vulnerable right now...and I'm not liking having to admit it, but it is part of the disease and I know "this too will pass". Right? I will spend the remainder of the afternoon reading all the posts I've missed recently and taking notes in my journal...making phone calls to all my family and friends! A big ol' bowl of left over chili and a big cup of hot chocolate with marshmellows and ice cream for dessert...that's on my menu for today! <LOL> No fretting over when everything will be done, and no big mess to clean up and not having to go anywhere if I don't want to!..lol..Oh Yea...I can be thankful for that!! Ya'll have a VERY WONDERFUL DAY!!! Love Ya's!
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
I'm glad you posted. This too, is my first Thanksgiving without my husband (in over 20 yrs). We've been separated for almost 7 months, but only recently have we really managed to act like it. My ah just came and got the kids to take them to breakfast. That will be their Thanksgiving with him. I will take them to my parents' house this afternoon. I am going to try not to worry about the rest of his day, for I know most likely he would rather not celebrate. His sister invited him to dinner, so at least I know he has an option.
Like you, I thought I had it all emotionally handled. I tried to view it as just another day. Apparently, I'm not as together as I thought because I am really sad. The grieving though, I think, is not so much about the holiday as it is about losing out on what it represents for me and my family right now, and most likely the future.
But, yes, afmom, there is still much to be grateful for. My ah is in a tight diversion program and is getting sober and has all the help he needs. Will he take full advantage of it, I don't know, but he seems to be. I am just glad he has the opportunity.
A year ago my kids did not have a dad who was present. Now they do.
I am getting stronger and learning to detach.
I smile now more than I cry.
I am well on my way to being fully employed with a good job.
We are all healthy, and hopefully true happiness will slowly return.
I have been blessed with al-alnon.
Great idea to look at past posts to see how far you've come! I am glad you have your day planned out. Actually, it sounds very peaceful and nice. There really is a lot to be thankful for. Have a glorious day!
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
This is year three for me of being alone. I just went ot T-day with family. My AHsober was there. We had little to say to each other. It is as if he is drunk. He is just not there and avoids me. He was the one that moved out. I cried this morning when I woke up by myself. I had a heart to heart talk with my HP. HP said tell me what he is going to do. I said ignore me, leave after a couple of hours, talk about his great life in another town, ignore me again. So I went into it prepared with very low expectations. I invted my nieces over to my house to help me clean. Well, my house needed cleaning but I wanted the company. We had a good time. I don't understand this disease any more now then I did 3 years ago. But I keep trying to focus on my new life and try to listen closely to my HP for guidance and solace.
good to read your post, N. I am going to see my AH tomorrow for breakfast (we have been separated for 2 years) and that ignoring piece is hard for me to manage. I think they do not know what to say or do. Its an awkwardness...he and I are not divorced but its most likely because he does not have it together enough to "do" a divorce, I don't think. He abhors paperwork, filling out forms, etc. Your post just reminded me to keep my expectations very low. I flew into this region from several thousands of miles away to be with my family and he has agreed to drive 6 hours to have breakfast with me which I appreciate. Still, I need to keep my expectations in check. He is still an A(not in recovery and not drinking) and unpredictable. For all I know he won't show up.
The A I was with still has not hit rock bottom. He still has the blame game, manipulative stuff going. When I feel really bad as I do often I remember it was much much worse with him. I applaud your courage in leaving. I also know how it is to watch them slide down further. I am so glad I am out of the nsanity of dealing with that day in day out.
Love Ya's!