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I often wonder other than than the obvious reprocussions from living with an A, if other things seem to manifest themselves? This may sound silly however, I find it very difficult to finish a task that I am doing. I find myself wandering off and starting something else, thus everything is half a$$ed. Folding clothes and laundry for example, fold them ok,,,but leave them on the bed or what have instead of putting them straight away, and venture off to do something else, then put them away later etc etc. I was just wondering if anyone else does such things, and if it is directly related to living with active alcoholism? Hmmmm, I look for your responses,,,
I do that with the clothes.... even put them on the bed, which now I have room for, and just sleep on the other side for 2 days.
What other ammo can I give you.... I do things in weird orders. If my list for the day is to mow and weed eat the yard, do laundry and service the pool. I will mow the yard, service the pool... (all full of grass), clean the grass off me, do laundry. Then remember I didn't weed eat...
I get ahead on the easy mindless stuff and leave all the really important things til the last minute.
Think this is more like senility.... isn't it? *grin*
Interested to see what others say?
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Well I don't live with the A anymore but I find that now I actually get things done when before I would sit around and wait for him to do it. I have more pride and self respect. I seem to have clarity in thought most of the time and remember things better. You might want to talk to your doctor about depression, that is one of the symptoms.
It's one thing to forget it's another to have no time for it or just blow it off because you don't wanna do it. I'm guilty of all 3 LOL. I am very bad with the laundry. It doesn't get folded until I have time or the daughter acutally does her chore (haha). Then the other daughter manages to get it into the room in the corner on the floor and I put it away when it gets irritating and the door wont shut. I hate having a filthy kitchen so I'm usually on top of that at least every other day. I dole out chores like crazy to the kids and they are getting better. Before with the A they didn't have any responsibilities, now they have tons and I think it's good for them.
I had a hard time concentrating when I was with the A, forgot to do the most important things, paying bills, etc. Blew stuff off to do what I wanted rather than what needed to be done. The most drastic thing for me when I left was how much work it was that I had no excuse to blame anyone else anymore and I had to get up off my booty and do it all. I never realized what a bum I was until then!
I start to do the dishes and then pick up a toy off the kitchen floor. I go put the toy in the basket and see a pair of dirty socks left by the couch. I take them to the laundry and do a load, dumping the clean clothes on the couch. I decide to take some items upstairs. While putting my clothes away, I make my bed and then while hanging up the towels, I notice the bathroom needs to be cleaned. I scrub the toilet real quick and then see the counters need to be wiped down. Oops, no paper towels under the sink. Go down to the garage to get the paper towels and notice the kitchen is still messy..... and the cycle repeats itself. Makes me crazy.
No wonder it take me hours to accoomplish nothing! My ah saw this behavior as a terrible character defect. Admittedly I am not proud, but I'll take it over lying, cheating and manipulating any day. ( I just keep those thoughts to myself).
So, I don't know if it is the result of living with active aism or not, but I sure do relate! Nice to know I am not alone. I do think I might have read something about it in the al-anon big book. I think it goes along with the inability to make decisions and procrastination.
I have it on my list of things to change about myself, but must admit it is not a priority right now. Perhaps a to-do list, checked off when complete would help?
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Yes, a to-do list does help me stay on track. I started doing it a few months ago and list all of the things I would like to do today. It doesn't mean it will all get done, but it does help me to not forget some of the important things that I used to space off until too late or not at all. It also helps me see what I have gotten done in any given day. Otherwise I tend to look around at all that needs done and berate myself for not getting anything done. (How am I so tired then?)
Anyway I think for me it was just lack of being able to focus. Can't get my stuff done when my focus is always on someone else.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder includes an inability to focus, accomplish tasks, remember things, etc. Some of us have this as a result of living with A's depends upon how rough or how long its been.
ditto Jean it is PTSD That is exactly what I thought of. After 30 years of living with a A, I won't breath until he breathed. I can't focus on one thing. I jump from chore to chore. I make my to do list and change it. On the other hand, my AHsober doesn't multi-task. He does one thing at a time but I don't trust him. He's only doing that one task to look good and get into his addiction. Sorry taking his inventory but that is what I think. I am always waiting for that other shoe to drop.
I have done that at times in my life. For me it was a part of depession. My mother is so far gone with these behaviors she is like those people you'd see on oprah. Her house is a disaster and she can't focus on anything. I haven't had a complete conversation with her in years. We start talking about the kids and she is all the sudden talking about painting the house. If she is making dinner (which is noodles and butter and turkey bacon) and you ask her where the sissors are she will stop what she's doing and look for the sissors in the meantime find her nailpolish, which reminds her that she needs to fix a run in her pantyhose that are somewhere in her bedroom and off she goes, lost for at least 20 minutes. It is very frustrating. She refuses to see there is anything wrong with this behavior. I won't be around her anymore. Her control issues, her procrastanation. She lives with an active A and always has. I'd say yes, it is an alanon trait....
Thanks for all the responses,,,makes me think a bit . Because I lived with my AH for many years with his alcoholism, PTS may come into play as Jean mentioned. I dont believe I was like this before. Another quirk of mine is trying to throw things away, things I do not use. Although I keep a neat and tidy house, my drawers and cupboards are FULL! And yes I make to -do lists, and get them ALL crossed off especially if I know company is coming,,,but just for me,,,blagh!
