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Im terrified of the Holidays.I know my A H is going to binge the entire time.Oh he may not be drunk in the am,but by 12n he will be lit like a Christmas tree.Sometimes he doesnt wait till noon.Sometimes he just sleeps it off from the night before ,and starts all over again.Im afraid that he will be drunk on Thanksgiving.And that makes me feel like everything Ive done,and prepared just doesnt matter.Now its not just me and him( or I d say to hell w it and cook tv dinners).We have 2 small kids,my Mom (who is on oxygen ) lives w us.And my sister will be over.I WISH he would go somewhere else.I envy the women who post saying thier A's have left.I CANT GET MINE TO LEAVE.My life would be so peacefull if he left.I would actually be able to enjoy the Holidays w my kids,and not worry that my A is going to do or say something to ruin it.Oh I know there is someone who will post the 3 C's.I understand those,and Im trying to detach but thts hard to do when you have a drunk following you around bieng all,,well sloppy drunk..The Holidays raise my anxiety to an unbearable high.Not because its the time when your supposed to be happy.No its because I know he will ruin another Holiday.And he informed me last night that he wants to take his vacation time the same time I do.If I have to look at him bieng drunk through Christmas, Im seriousley considering filling for a divorce.My sanity cant take it any more.Right now I just feel like screaming,and crying.My trust is betrayed.My hope tht he will TRY and stay sober is gone.I feel like any chance we ever had of having a decent relationship is gone,gone down a bottle.Everyday I wake up ,w hope.Usually Im dissapointed.
This is such a hard thing to deal with isn't it. I won't recite the 3 c's to you, but I will say that if he normally gets drunk for the holidays... then that is a reasonable expecation. If he normally "follows you around sloppy drunk", then I would expect that too...
You do have a choice about how you let that effect you and your day. So far you probably think i am an insufferable a$$, but I really don't mean it that way.
I used to look at each holiday the same way "maybe she won't... then I would watch her like a hawk, and at the first sign... AH HA! See I KNEW she was going to do that!" My day and my hopes dashed to the ground.
Last year I vowed would be different. The kids and I even talked about it. Mom is going to do what mom is going to do... but we are going to have fun, focus on each other and enjoy the holiday.
And we did. She was drinking, at times she was miserable... but we just kept on marching. No it was not a halmark moment, but it was not the dish breaking disaster it had been the years previous.
Take heart, and keep coming back, there is a lot of healing to be had here and you have already done the most important thing... you showed up. :)
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Why not go to an al anon meeting? Or an open AA meeting? Or see if any of the AA/Al anon clubs are having thanks giving? You don't have to spend the holiday with your husband. You don't have to have dinner with him. You don't even have to say "Honey! We're having dinner!" You can do whatever you want. Big Lots is opening at 7am on Thanksgiving day. We'll be here on this website all day. Get your shopping done, buy gift cards and mail them to those you love. Pay the bills online and be finished there. You have a lot more power than you think. Just don't focus on him and focus on you. You'll do great.
Hey there, I just posted the previous sentiment and I must agree, dealing with the smidgen of guilt about avoiding his requests to join us for the holiday is much better than dealing with a ranting raving alcoholic all day when it's supposed to be a pleasant family time. I didn't think mine would leave either, so I moved out and took the kids. That was about 15 months ago and last Thanksgiving was hellish because I had him over under duress. I agree with Tiger. If it were me, if he got drunk and started acting like an a$$ I would pack up everyone else and go out to eat and leave him to it.
This is how we lived at my house growing up with an A dad. We could never really make any big plans because we never knew if he was going to be drinking, he managed to ruin alot of holidays, etc. For some reason this time of year is more difficult for A's. The stress these holidays can bring ($, time, plans etc) puts them over the edge it seems. It's not an excuse I know, but at least with my dad I knew that if he was stressing, he was drinking.
Having gone through this as a child I don't think I could put my own child through the dissapoinment these holidays can bring with an A around to ruin them. If you MUST spend the time with him, coach your kids on how to have fun nomatter what dad is doing and really think about how you want your kids to remember these times. Remember you and your kids deserve to have a peaceful holiday season!
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Grant me the strenght to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!
Moms homebound and living w us.shes on oxygen.I cant leave her here w him.I dont even want to do tht on a daily basis to go to work,let alone a holiday.
