My ex-wife was a pot head.  The adiction was incidious.   No day passed without it's use.  She'd initiate an argument & go off & smoke dope.  So many of the characteristics of alcohol abuse came with pot use.  A few things were different.  She was at her worst when she needed pot... somewhat docile while stoned.  Could smoke others "under the table" & was proud of that.  She lacked ambition.  Rarely cleaned - never held a job.  Pot was her high of choice.  If I was given a choice of living with a drunk or a stoner... yeah, I'd take the stoner but it's more alike choosing the firing squad over hanging.  Addiction ruled her life.  Pot, overeating, overspending, sloth, codependence.  The woman was a mess... but really not worse than me.  I did not see any real physical manifestation of pot addiction.  Long term alcohol/drug abuse kills.  I'm not sure, short of lung cancer, if pot does kill.  I've driven when I was stoned (in my misspent youth)... yeah - I wasn't under control... I could have killed myself or another while driving under the influence.

I hate marijuana - I hate it when people talk of decriminalizing it or even for medical use.  It'll ruin your life sure as booze - slower, kinder, but a downward spiral for sure.  You need more & more to medicate yourself.  It's addictive - It's addictive - It's addictive.  I won't believe anything else

 

It's all the same, to my mind.  The real disease is the urge to use something to help ease the pain of reality, to the detriment of anything else in life.

In our case, I also blamed myself for my husband's crack addiction. His drinking had been ruining our marriage - he was often abusive when drunk.  At one point, it was pretty clear that I was done - one more flight into the night with the kids, and I would not come back. That was when he slowed his drinking down, and focused more on drugs. Pot was his 'drug of choice', but he couldn't smoke because his job meant that drug tests were always possible.  Pot stays in the system longer, and he could lose his job for a joint smoked a week ago.  So, he started smoking crack.

Fast forward to many years later, when he had been clean and sober for a couple of years.  I confessed to him that I had always blamed myself or the addiction, which had been so terribly hard on him.  He started laughing, which kinda took the wind of the sails of my touching confession.  Can't remember his exact words, but he said something like,  "You alanons are as bad as we are, making up stories.  I was drinking and drugging myself out of a marriage and a job; I could have quit, you know." 

Often I found, when speaking to him after he sobered up, that things that I had thought were SO important in the progress of our marriage and his disease, he didn't even remember.  And, things which had slid right by me had had profound impacts on him. 

So, I'd say don't torture yourself with these thoughts.  Most of what he did (in terms of his addictions)  had very little if anything to do with you.  We don't just say the things we say here in order to make ourselves feel better, you know.  We say them because long experience, of many many people, have shown them to be true.