The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I asked a woman to sponsor me. She said she would. She said she wanted me to call her once a week. I said I thought I could do that and then did not. I apologized and said I wanted to try this again she said OK and now I do not call her, still.
I have such a hard time reaching out. I cannot imagine bothering someone in the middle of dinner or something just because of the stupid shit I have going on in my life. This feels like the most ridiculous thing in the world to me. I hate being a burden to anyone. I have never been the kind to just call people and ramble on or "hang out" on the phone with anyone. I just am struggling so much with this- it just never occurs to me and then its the end of the week and again I have not called her. Then I begin to beat myself up for not calling her, etc. etc. ad nauseum...
I am going to see her in a meeting and tell her tomorrow that I am going to go without a sponsor for now- apparently the time is not right for me to have a sponsor. I have a year and a half in the program. I will apologize again.
Thanks for any advice you may have about your e s h re: your sponsor.
I don't know how well this advice will go over, but is it possible for you to start out slow with a sponsor by emails and setting up a preordained time and place to get together to talk once a month?
I don't even know if it could work that way (new here), but if you need some support and have trouble reaching out because you feel you may be interupting something in their life... maybe this is an option?
Just thought I would mention it, since you felt comfortable enough to go online and seek help. Maybe it would help you to get more comfortable with the idea of confiding in someone and accepting their guidance, if you started out small?
We are good at isolating our selves so don't worry about the past. Just do me a favor...Go over to the phone, and call her, then you don't have to worry about it any more. One step at a time, we don't get healthy in just one day! It will be ok, just do it and then talk to her about your feelings of not wanting to call
I completely understand how you feel. I'm having a hard time finding sponsor, so I would not give up on the sponsor because I know if she is the right person, she can really help you. I've talked to a couple people lately that do not want to sponsor but welcomed my phone calls and they have done so much for me. How about if you tell her how you are feeling and ask her when you should call--what time of day, day of week etc works best in her life? If she says "anytime", tell her that it would be easier for you to have a specific time that you both agree upon. A sponsor can put the craziness of our lives into it's proper perspective and the things you can "ramble on" about to a sponsor, you probably wouldn't say in a meeting. Those are the things that you personally need help with.
BTW, it's nice to have someone that you can call when those more major things occur (and they do when you have an active alcoholic in your life). Those times you sometimes really need assistance to help you to do the right thing.
I am the exact same way (two years in the program this past May)... I have had a sponsor since December (almost a year now) and she wanted me to call her once a week as well and I didn't - still don't. I am no good at it either - I'd sooner email!
Anway - please don't give up on working with a sponsor. I have been working with mine and neither one of us is perfect (which I am slowly learning through this program is a very GOOD thing)... When I do call her I usually get her voice mail and she doesn't always return my call - which upsets me of course!
I am also working on the steps (step four right now)... and I am taking what I feel like is "forever" on this step - and she is helping tremedously (when I actually do enough work to meet with her to discuss the step!)...
My point is this... you are not alone. I think everyone that I know (self included) stumble through the program - especially in the beginning. That is okay. It really is!!
Also - I have learned to call other people (though, it is rare - I do call people I've met in the meetings when I absolutley need to - not just to chat or complain but usually when I am in "crisis" -
(((hugs))) hang in there and don't give up on sponsorship. It really works.
If your sponsor thought you were going to be a burden she would have said NO to you. Sponsors do what they do to give back to Alanon and help people begin a different way of life. She can't help you if you won't take the first step and begin the footwork..
*Let it begin with me*
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Having a sponsor is part of working a recovery program. We do isolate. Go to the phone and call her. Then you say is now a good time? Then start out with how much time you are comfortable with. I just got off the phone with my sponsor. I call her every week or two. It works out that we found a time when neither one of us is busy. We chat like friends - weather, kids, etc. And then usually I say what is bothering me or what has happened. And then she shares. Sometimes she calls me when she wants to run something by me. I think that you have to trust your HP in all of this. Hope it works out. Keep us posted.
