The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a meeting last night and the speaker talked about pain. She kept talking about all the pain she had deep down inside. Before the meeting, I was full of anger. As she kept discussing the deep pain, I totally lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably. Her talk about pain flipped a switch. I never knew there was so much pain deep down inside. I would just try to cover it up with a smile and pretend everything was okay. A couple months ago, I was out of town on a business trip for training. There were a couple people talking about having to make deliveries to a jail. The one man described walking down the hallway while prisoners would throw their feces and pee through their cells. I instantly imagined what it felt like for those prisoners and I was overcome with grief. I have never felt like this before. What is going on?
Well, I don't know about the prisoners senario, could be "compassion and Understanding" but maybe the other feelings your having are a sign you are changing, "Letting go".. I kept pain way down deep inside, I used my humour to hide it, and I guess I still do... But I can see that today...And I can face it, and let it go......
Don't be in a hurry to look for answers... If your changing, enjoy it..."A day at a time", I feel changes, some are happy some are sad, but to "FEEL" after years of feeling nothing is a great experience for me....
Thanks Ally. It is such a wonderful, yet, very odd to feel such grief. It feels almost overwhelming at times. I am so very grateful for Alanon and everyone who shares.
I very much relate too. Perhaps you have reached a level of healthiness that the pain can come out and not totally overwhelm you (in spite of how it feels)?
In any case, there is a gal with a huge, loving heart in you, lots of compassion. That is beautiful, you know?
