The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've shared that my ah has a "friend". This person worked for us and was a part of our extended social circle. Thier relationship is still not over and my ah is not sober anymore. Was he ever? Probably not, just maintaining at a lesser degree. He is not openly drunk or using, and incredibly prideful about being labeled an alcoholic/addict. I only know he is using because I I found something, and he told me he has a few beers on ocassion, but his behaviors and attitudes were why I was suspicious. One thing I am certain of is that she is one of his addictions and he never let her go. She is an alcoholic too, though ah calls her "someone who shouldn't drink". She is what he uses instead of a program. They give each other emotional support, tell each other they are not sick, and how great they each are since there certainly is no one else to do it. Anyhow....
Went to Back to School Night. My ah was standing in the back of the room. His "friend" was standing by the door with some women that are my friends. When I walked in and saw them across the room, I just got a wild hair to mess with them. So, I proudly walked across the room, past my spouse, and stood as close to her as I possibly could. Then, I just looked down at her. I don't know what I thought would happen. Really, I thought she would just ignore me. Well, can I tell you what?! Her eyes got as big as saucers and she turned and ran out of the room! Apparently my message was clear and unspoken. And to think that all this time I have been avoiding her! Well, no more. We live in a small town and hopefully it will end up that she is so afraid of seeing me that I won't have to worry about running into her cause she'll be avoiding me!
So, that's it. Not much es or h here, just sharing.
Blessings, Lou
-- Edited by Loupiness at 02:01, 2007-09-18
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Wow, something is going on. Good for you. That man is your territory no matter how messed up he is. She needs to realize your boundaries. That's just MY opinion. ;) You go girl.
WoooHooo!!!! I am so happy you took a stand! Incredible! I am probably a little too excited for you but I am in such a very similar situation (small village, etc). My feeling has always been if you mess with my kids and their well being then you mess with me. All those women who mess with married men actually ruin innocent children's lives. So, she should be mortified, she deserves every little bit of whatever it is that gets thrown at her literally and figurativly. You GO girl! i would have doen the same thing, I probably would have been slightly more obnoxious. But I am getting better...I think...Just wanted to give you a big (((((HUG))))) and save that moment in your memory and pull it out often and laugh, at yourself, at her and know nothing is the end of the world and you are getting thru this.
Yea Lou. I think sometimes you just have to take a stand. Some of these women are so weak. My AHsober makes overtures to women. I glare at them. Especially when there are children involved. I try to think of what is the mature thing to do. I live in a small town too and I am learning to claim what is mine.
Thanks for the support. It was satisfiying to be able to share my story with friends who really appreciate it and all that it represents. Bottom line, it was about me gaining some power back, and it was great.
Yes, for them to have eachother, that would be the worst consequence they could have. The only reason it "works" is because it is not real. If they had to spend any real life time together it would be a disaster! Other than an A, she is everything he claims not to believe in - poor work ethic, a user, flaky, irresponsible mom - but at the same time he has admitted that when we (me, his sis, employee) attack her we are attacking him because he sees himself the same as her. Interesting... When she worked for us he did not like her. I actually got her hired and kept her from being fired many times. Talk about regrets!
It is because I see the relationship for what it is, a sick addiction, that I want to hang on a bit longer. I will stick it out throughout the length of the marriage class we are in which is 3 mos. I am thinking I will set Martin Luther King Day as a good deadline. It is away from the holidays and represents peace. Sounds good to me!
Blessings, Lou
__________________
Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
