The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have held on to my feelings of gratitude and felt blessed with the unusual sunrise this morning.... but feel HP was at work yesterday to bolster my strength.
My wife and I had been talking divorce for a while now. She first as she was just frustrated with the way things are... not that she wanted one. I let her know about a month ago that I had been considering the idea.
I have decided that for me, it is the next right thing to do. Last night she came to the house to pick up our son to spend the night and decided to dig through my wallet ... She found the recipt for the Lawyers retainer in there.
To be direct... the sh!t hit the fan. I don't know how this has gone for others, but this was a very difficult decission for me. Not because I am not sure it is what I want, but carefully seperating the needs of everyone involved. Lots of prayer time has gone into this...
I understand her being upset... I expect that, I expect that she will be hurt and pissed at me. I guess HP wanted me to be up for the challenge of accepting the fact that I will NEVER be able to convince her this is a good idea.
And I am trying to keep in mind that just because she doesn't like it... doesn't mean it is not still the next right thing to do.
My grandparents wrote in the cover of a bible they gave me when I was young... "God never promised your path would be full of roses... but he promised to give you the strenght to make it through..."
I miss them, but they did a wonderful job of living a life that helps back up those words....
If you pray... please keep my family in your prayers...
Take care of you...
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
My AH didn't like the idea of divorce when he found out I had gone to see a lawyer either. He lost it and it was not a pretty fight that night. Funny considering that he had threatened divorce many times in the past, mostly to coincide w/his need to sleep w/other women. When the tables got unexpectedly turned on him, he couldn't handle it. He settled into it after a while and even signed the divorce papers a couple of weeks back w/out so much as a grunt of disapproval. All this and I know he still wants to stay married. Is it the next right step for us? Yes. Is it the next right step for y'all? Only you and your HP can decide that.
I turned to my sponsor recently and said "I can't stand this crap of 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' If God's so wise, then why does he need to strengthen me? Can't he see how strong I am? Can't he see that I'm about to break? Strong things break, you know." I got the phone calls about the job interviews the next day. I can't explain god, mericles or life. I can say that if it wasn't for this program, I wouldn't have one. Keep us posted.
When the decision comes from a place w/o anger or resentment for the A, and from a place of love, for yourself then you know it's right. Right for you.
Will keep you in thoughts and prayers.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Been scanning the board for what I can relate to and I see you were living a part of my story. I remember freshly and what popped up for me real quick was what my sponsor gave me to consider while making those tough ground and heart shaking decisions. "If there is any doubt at all...don't (make any decisions.) "When in doubt don't" is one of my greatest slogans because it has to do directly with my disease of compulsiveness. "Don't react" is my armor and it goes hand in hand with "When in doubt....".
You know alot. You have strong recovery experience.
Divorce was new ground for me with the alcoholic and so I chose to trust my sponsor and learn and experience more recovery before making that choice. I am so glad I did. So very glad. My head, my mind, my heart my feet and spirit were all in alignment when I made the choice.
You might bring the subject up in your home meeting and ask for shared experiences on it. I am sure that you have brought it up with your sponsor. You have the experience for it. I also believe that you are right with your HP. My HP considers that I make right choices within His will and that I believe that His will is just LOVE.
I considered the consequences of my choice to marry an alcoholic and my intentions before I did it. I considered that I knew nothing about love as I had been taught in the Family Groups. I considered also that I with my ridgid one sided value system and ways of carrying out my expectations was very negative and a threat to her, myself and others. I considered that if I had come to distrust my will, value system and choices before I came into Al-Anon that I must consider waiting. So as I memtioned after working it around with my sponsor and home group members. I used patience, humility, compassion, openmindedness, and as many of the other recovery values that applied with of course Love of HP, myself and my alcoholic, children, step children family and step family other friends and relatives were included.
I was so surprised how I had grown in recovery.
Love and (((((hugs))))) from Jerry F...peeking thru the door and listening to his family.
Hate so much that your wife broke another trust barrier & went thru your wallet. That is very sad, hurtful and another reminder of how far from healthy and sane she is at the moment.
Please know that you, your children and even your wife are in my prayers.
Regardless of how others react, please, please my friend, do what your HP is leading you to do to take care of yourself - You deserve it.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Divorce is never easy to talk about, to think about or go through. I've tried it three times and cancelled them :(
I've said this before and I'll say it again, woman are territorial and we do not like when "our" things (people, belongs, ect) are tetered with. I'm sure it freaked her out. You sound like you have a great heart and a lot of love and understanding for people so maybe you could sit down IF she's ready and speak with her.
I hope to hear pep in your step again soon. I don't like when you feel bad. Good luck sweet pea. :)
I have not been visiting the board a lot, but when I do I love to see what you are up to... so sorry to hear of the events for you and your family. I do see though that you are very strong with the help of your HP, and congratulations for that. You are grateful, and that is a huge thing when dealing with situations that are difficult.
My prayers are always with you and your family. You have helped me oh so much in my times of strife and sorrow. Thank you and I can never repay you, but I will pray for you and yours.... may you keep your strength and true compassion and hope alive!!!!
