The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
... but I don't know how. I feel I am too new in the program to not sabotage myself once again. Perhaps I am preparing for a situation based strictly on fear, but I feel I need to for my own integrity.
On Sunday, we will be having an Open House for our business at our new location. We made certain that my AHsober's A affair intentionally did not get a mailed invite. She used to be an employee. When my h got out of rehab the deal was no contact with her. Didn't happen. She was also not to receive any business services, and I not only see that she did, but owes us money too! So, what if she shows up on Sunday? She certainly would be gutsy enough to do so, and I'm sure it would be okay; that I would be a doormat once again in order to conduct myself properly in such a public social situation.
Thus, I think I want to just come out and tell my AH that I know he still has contact with her and gives her business services and then ask if she will be there. Now, to be honest, I can't even imagine him saying yes, but as most of you know, I can't assume anything. So, if I get a positive answer, at first I was thinking of telling him the kids and I wouldn't go. But after rethinking it, I am thinking of just telling him that I will be introducing her to family, and then really do it! You know, "MIL, I would like to intoduce you to __, your son's A girlfriend." I know I would have to carry through. I just don't know that I have the al-anon tools to respond correctly given both "yes" and "no". If he says, "no", my auto response would be to say "thanks". Huh? What is wrong with me?! Any es or h out there that would guide me in a better or different direction? What would the proper responses be?
Thanks, Lou
Thanks,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Chances are, since she was not invited, she will not show up...but for argument's sake, let's say she does. Rise above it all. You don't have to have conversation with her or even acknowledge her, but you must behave in a calm and pleasant manner because you have other guests present, and you are representing your business. So much depends upon your professional courtesy. Try to keep that in mind, and be a totally classy lady.
Best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I agree with diva also , rise above this situation . behave like the lady that you are . There is no reason to speak to her or to introduce her to anyone . Asking your husb to not invite her is fine just don't expect that he will follow thru, you have a right to say how u feel . then let it go . With dignity and Grace u will get thru the day. Louise
Thank you, ladies! You are not telling me what I want to hear, but what I need. I truly am trying to get to the place where I can feel sorry for her and forgive, but it just hasn't happened yet. And, the truth is, it is easy for me to "talk tough" on this board, but the bottom line is that I would never do anything to jeopardize my H's reputation or our business. However, it is also that philosophy that sometimes angers me in that I feel it enables my H's behavior. Only time will tell and I have given it all up to my HP (God) multiple times over the past few days.
I work in a hospital that has encouraging phrases in the elevators. Each week I always find at least one that is speaking to me. The one I saw yesterday is this....
A season of struggles is a small price to pay for a clear view of God.
We can only hope.
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
It really doesn't have to be all or nothing, as others have said. If you don't feel that you would have the strength to take a big step. take a little one.
Civility ALWAYS works - just because you don't grab her by the hair and throw her out does not mean that you are condoning the situation. You can be civil but cool - a nod, maybe say her name to acknowledge that you saw her, and that's it. She and he will both see and understand, and then the ball is in their court. Let them react to you, for a change.
Yes, Linda, thank you! In my head I know she won't be there, but I have been a sucker so many times....
I am sure I am only fantasizing in fear at this point, but I figure if such an opportunity arises, I can heed the advise I have requested, as well as fufill my emotional need by just gently tapping her on the shoulder and politely telling her I want to introduce her to my h's family. If nothing else, I am sure she would leave in a hurry.
I finally realized that I am always the one who avoids eye contact, making her life easier. The other night I passed her while I was on a walk. She was sitting in the driveway at the home of an older man and his alzheimer wife that she has caught in her web, obviously telling her woes and looking pathetic. As I walked by, I just stared at her. She couldn't turn her head away far enough. Perfectly silent, I felt empowered. I don't absolutley don't want to casue a scene, I just don't want to feel like an enabler anymore.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
