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I have tried to post this message a few times - written a long explanation - then deleted it. I can't make it to a meeting today (Oh, do I need one badly) hopefully I'll make it tomorrow night.
Basically, please just remind me that I have the right to do what is best to take care of myself.
I know it is a disease - I know. I know he is not a bad person, he does deserve healthy compassion, he does have the disease of alcoholism, addiction and other major health problems, too.
But, please remind me - that it's ok to love myself, too. THAT I deserve to take care of ME, that same level of compassion because it's not there today.
My head hears the words, but the knot in my stomach just won't go away.
Please pray that my HP will do for me what I can not do for myself.
Thanks, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I had a moment this morning of being exhausted by the A. I have had to let go of what he does today. I set something up for him. He is acting like a 9 year old. I remember well how he could soar around fellow a's. They have run for the hills since he had nothing. Now he acts like he has no clue how to negotiate anything and then flees into self absorbed self pity. He wants it all on his time and only his time.
I can't step in and negotiate it all for him. He will have to do some of it.
I get totally and absolutely worn out at times. Tonight I am taking a night off. I am so looking forward to it.
For some of us sometimes it is one second at a time.
Prayers are on there way. Don't forget how special and important you are to you and to your loved ones and our MIP group and your Alanon friends. You and the other MIP members have helped me understand that if I'm not o.k. and taking care of myself how can I be there for others with those healthy boundaries and respect. I know I'm feeling the stress of not giving myself that time and care today too, so I'll be praying for HP to give you a healthy measure of love and compassion today to keep you sailing through your day and evening. Hang in there girl.
Hugs, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
(((((Rita))))) You absolutely deserve it, as much as our qualifier's deserve compassion, we deserve the right to take care of ourselves!!! Don't beat yourself up! If ind it so hard to give myself a break, but man to I ever need to.
BTW, I love the pix next to your name. What cutie pies!
Hi dear Rita, Gee, I wish I was there to give you a hug, sit you down at the kitchen table, which has a vase of daisies on it, and give you a tall glass of fresh brewed iced tea... with lemon on the glass-- like in the restaurants -- ... and a plate of fresh baked sugar cookies on a pretty white scalloped plate... with real white linen napkins. I would listen to you and just let you talk and I would say to you: "You are a strong, senstive, and kind woman. Your HP loves you so very much and you are so blessed."
Because I'm not close, I'm sending you this visualization instead and very warm thoughts and hugs.
I'll pray that on this bright warm summer day that you feel the warmth of your Higher Power wrappingHis/Her arms around you... protecting you, loving you, reassuring you of everything you really are, holding you until you are ready to step put a little on your own. I'm not a real religious person, but I do remember from my Sunday School days a verse about coming to God with our burdens and letting Him carry them... His burden is easy and His yoke is light.-- something to that effect. I will pray that for you and that your burden of your heart will be lifted.
Again, sending you warm hugs and thoughts, Lee Ann
Thanks for the hugs, the love and the encouragement.
I know that This too Shall Pass.
I have told my AH that I will not go with him to the hospital for tests tomorrow - he is not happy. But It is what it is - He decided eight months ago to walk this path alone, so I will step out of the way and let him walk it - but he's really not alone - his HP is there with him - He will just have to reach out when he is ready.
Letting Go & Letting God.
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You know I think it is easier to do for other what they can do for themselves -- and it's harder to just step back and take care of ourselves. Whether it's what we feel like we should be doing or what they feel like we should be doing...seems like we carry a bucket of guilt around with us.
Well Rita, put that bucket down. You are deserving of your own time and kindness. Like you said, Hp is looking out for your AH -- now how you could you do anything better than that?
The others sent you such nice replies, there's not much that I can add, except that a special prayer with warm thoughts and love is on the way with lots of TLC 2 U.
The Serenity Prayer comes to mind. I used to repeat it over and over again,,through tears, gritted teeth, on my knees, etc. When the stinking thinking or what I call the committee of a$$holes come calling into my head, that was the only thing that I could do was recite that prayer. I can remember saying out loud while washing the dishes,,"I am washing the dishes,,,I am washing the dishes" trying to divert those horrible thoughts whirling around in my head. I would grab the C2C or any piece of alanon literature and read small portions (as that was all I could grasp at that time), or call my sponsor. I didnt have this place to post in those days. ....................This too shall pass.........................
