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Does anyone have any good recovery jokes they want to share? I post my fave about making eggs for the alcoholic once in awhile, but it's getting dated. Here's one I found online, and maybe we can have a few new or good ones thrown around here. Keep smiling! Tom
A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he gets back to his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs.
Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had a couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets and they broke. The broken glass carved up his rear end terribly, but he was so drunk he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he saw some blood. He checked himself out in the mirror and sure enough, his rear end is cut up something terrible. He repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances and went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting and his rear was hurting, and he was lying under the covers trying to think up a good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You were plastered last night - where'd you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Oops.... I meant to include my alltime favourite joke about the eggs... .it's an "oldie but goodie", and there are always a few that haven't heard it yet!! Enjoy!
The following joke is a great example of how difficult it is to please an alcoholic.Sad but true
One day, the supportive wife of an alcoholic gets up early and wants to please her hubby.She makes him a nice breakfast, with two scrambled eggs.He comes downstairs, grouchy as ever, and complains about his breakfast, saying only that he wanted sunny side up.She walks away, disappointed again.
The next day, the supportive wife gets up early and wants to please her hubby again, so she makes him a nice breakfast, with two eggs sunny side up.She waits for him to come down, anticipating a better response than the day before.He comes downstairs, grouchy as ever, and complains about his breakfast, saying only that today, I wanted scrambled.She walks away, disappointed yet again.
On the third day, the supportive wife gets a great idea, and one that she is SURE will please her hubby.She gets up early, and makes him a nice breakfast with two eggs one scrambled and one sunny side up.She waits for him, quite proud of herself, and 100% sure that he will now be pleased.He comes downstairs, grouchy as ever, and complains (yet again) about his breakfast.She asks, incredulously how can you possibly be unhappy this time?I made you one of each!!!.To which, hubby simply replied you scrambled the wrong egg!
For any of us who have lived with an alcoholic, there is some irony and truth to this joke.
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am glad you posted the egg one too....I was just about to request it! I remember it from awhile back and loved it. So sadly familiar it is almost hard to laugh tho. Also so sad to remember that I first heard it while my ABF was drunk....now he is 7 months sober and the same nasty attitude doesn't quit.
But it is good to rember that... and be glad that his is out of my home for good and my kids are the only ones that might complain about their eggs now.
An alcholic comes to after a bad night. Furious and hung over, he screams at his wife. "Why didn't you let me in? Now I stink, I've puked, and I'm bitten all over by the mosquitos!" "Why should I?" She retorts "You left your wheel chair at the bar!"
I wish I could find humor in any of them :( I've lost too many to enjoy them even if they are true. Man I am still sick from it all. Rita's, yours were pretty cute. ;)
It's one in the morning and the A is totally lit, but manages to stumble upstairs to the bedroom. Once in the bedroom, the A can't even make it to the bed, but collapses on the floor.
The thud awakens the A's partner, who thinks, well, at least they made it home... then realizes there is no sound of breathing from the unconscious body on the floor.
Alarmed, the partner confirms that the A is not breathing, and starts doing chest compressions. 1, 2, PUSH, 1, 2, PUSH. The A's ribs are heard breaking under the force of the compressions. Finally the A gasps and takes a breath. As the A comes to, their partner grabs the phone and calls 911.
The A, becoming aware of their surroundings, says, "I don't need an ambulance! I'm fine!" The partner cries, "Are you kidding! You died in my arms! I had to do chest compressions!"
The A considers this for a minute, then asks: "Are you sure you did them right?"
