The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
at present I am going through a very difficult financial time and have a number of important decisions to make. I am dealing with people who are not particularly bothered that I have no money to pay my bills though I have worked my tail off for the last three months. I am really tired of that but have managed to stay calm through out. I am at present the victim of "policy", it is very sickening. To cap it all, I still have ex-A in my house, no he shows no signs of moving home and I need to tackle this and when I came back from holidays last week, I had to spend the entire weekend cleaning the house, it was clean when I left, he left rotting food around, I'm sure you all know the score on how much mess people can make. Thank you for this board and letting me vent. I am quite upset at the moment awaiting financial decision which directly affect my future.
Oh I am so right there with you on this one girl. I am getting ready to leave on my vacation Saturday and thankfully my AH decided to disappear a week ago. So now I am taking my mom w/me on vacation instead of my AH and he is not home to destroy the place while I am gone. I pray every day that he doesn't turn up right before I leave. And if he shows up while I am gone, he will find changed door locks. It is a huge source of stress and anxiety for me.
And I have been telling ALL of the creditors and debt collectors that he doesn't live there any more. When they ask if I have a new number or address for him, I say I have absolutely no forwarding information for him at all. That I haven't a clue where he is. That has actually been a relief b/c I had worried in the back of my mind that they might come after me for his debts. But they don't. They simply say sorry and that they will remove my phone number and address from him acct.
So take a deep breath and try to find some serenity today. I know that is what I am trying to do.
I can definitely relate. I've been killing myself over financial issues for a few years now. I cant' blame the A for all of it.
For the last 5 years its been near impossible to get a job where I am. Now the economy is better its near impossible to rent unless you do as I am now live with lots of people. There is no easy solution.
What I have found helpful is not to try to do it all today. My finances are a mess. Does it do any good to obsess about it not really.
I cant' fix it all tomorrow. Today I have to deal with taking care o fme.
There are lots of things I am not taking care of dental, medical and my own surroundings. I try to focus on that. I put the finance up there but if I can't pay a bill I don't pay it.
The other thing is I am taking full responsibility for my finances. I am no longer looking ot the A to rescue me. My resucing the A and the A rescuing me have been huge issues in the relaitonship. I know it was addictive. I know why I did it and I've had to stop.
Like you I have tremendous hardshp at the moment around financial issues. I have to deal with it. I'm an adult I'm responsible. The A was definitely part of it but so were some of my decisions. I really procrastinated among other issues.
I'm going to work long term on my finaical life. I don't like any of it but I am willing these days.
I'm also willing to surrender. I have control over very little. I can exercise some of that by being kind to myself rather than dealing wiht people who are mean to me and taking on their energy.
