I have been married for four years. My husband has always been a big drinker, and I was, too, when we met. But then I unexpectantly became pregnant, and all my priorities shifted from being a partying kid to a mom, and I became a person who hates to get drunk so I just don't do it. However, my husband didn't change with me. He continued to drink excessively at each available opportunity, cutting it down from 3-4 nights a week to one night a week and saying that he was being good and that I shouldn't criticize him. I've been dealing with this and covering his tracks for so long (lying to his family, our older son, my family, about his hangovers, which I said he was "sick") because he was being "good" by only getting wasted once a week. Now we have two children, and I think I'm finally just tired of all of it. In January, he got so wasted that he threw up all over our living room, ruining our couch covers, some of the kids' toys, and my laptop. He completely burned my laptop with his vomit, and I lost all my files on it. I couldn't even wake him up the next day until 3 or so, and even then he kept arguing with me about whether or not he threw up. At around 6, he became functioning and realized that he had, indeed, thrown up and ruined my laptop, but he didn't even remember throwing up. I was so beyond angry because my kids woke up and could have been playing in that if I hadn't cleaned it up. He promised then to stop drinking or to at least slow down. For the next few months, he cut down his drinking to a 6-pack a week. He didn't get sick again; however, every Sat., the day that we could actually be doing family time, he always slept in. I do everything (festivals, playdates, swimming, etc.) by myself with the kids. I feel like a single mom some days. Anyway, on Easter, however, my mom came to visit, and my husband stayed up all night by himself getting drunk (he ALWAYS drinks by himself). He fell asleep in my older son's bed, and urinated in his sleep. Once again, I couldn't wake him, and he tried to say that it wasn't urine. However, he did eventually realize it was and cleaned it up. I, of course, lied to my mom and said that our dog had urinated in the bed. We got into a huge fight about this after my left, and once again, my husband said that he's being good, it was one little mistake, that he drinks because I nag him and because of me, etc. He again slowed down, but to a 6-pack of beer alone (as always) every few weeks. Fast forward to this week. He called me on Thursday, asking if I minded if he bought beer. I said, "yes." He became very angry with me, so I told him that he needed to make his own decisions. I was trying to keep the peace because we fight so much as is. He came home, I went to bed with the kids, and I woke up the next day to his puking. He missed work, which really upset me, because he's working for a friend of the family. So it makes all of us look bad.
Anyway, if you've made it this far, I thank you tremendously because I'm completely falling apart. My father was an alcoholic (he died of stomach cancer when I was 18) and my older brother is, too. However, both of them drank every day. My father, though, was a functioning alcoholic, and my brother isn't. My husband, however, seems to think that he's not an alcoholic because his situation isn't excessive like my brother's or father's. I know this is probably a ridiculous question for this board, but I really think my husband is one, but I need to hear it from others, too, just to make sure I'm right. I just feel like every time I tell my husband that I think he's an alcoholic, he turns it around on me and says that I only feel that way because of my family history. However, his drinking is affecting our family. My husband has been hungover too many times when we had planned important events that he couldn't go to. You know, it's one thing that he drinks and hurts me, but it really ticks me off that I know it's got to be affecting my kids. I don't know what to do.