The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So as of tomorrow morning, it will be one week since I have seen or heard from my AH. I am working really hard on "Not Obsessing" over his where abouts. Not knowing drives me nuts....not the "where is he & what's he doing" bit but more of the "when will he show up on my doorstep".
I had a busy weekend. I can't even remember all I did this weekend. I went grocery shopping, cleaned house, cut grass, worked in my parents garden and helped distribute hay to their horses. I changed my door locks AGAIN last night. I picked up a cheaper set this time thinking they were the same as before and that was a mistake. They were more difficult to line up and get installed properly. It took me forever but I got it done. Nearly stripped out all of the screws in the process though. Oh well.
My daughter finally mentioned that her dad was not home last night. We got home after having dinner w/my AH's grandma & parents and she said "Well, dad still isn't home." She had the saddest look on her face. It was pitiful. I just responded w/"Nope." My son just looked at me and said "that is so sad".
My house is less tense w/just the kids and me there. I am thankful for that. My son is a bit more cooperative w/out my AH being there. He usually tries to play me and his dad against each other. So at least I don't have that to contend with.
I leave for vacation on Saturday and I cannot WAIT!!!
((((QOD)))) You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers! I am in a very similar situation. Living in the moment is so hard at times, but you are doing so well!! How lucky your kids are to have you. Take care of yourself. I know when I am dealing with all you have, I lean heavily on this program, my sponsor and getting to meetings. We are here for you.
I was wondering what ever happened, if he came back. Please don't be at all surprised if he shows up at your doorstep Friday fully expecting to go on vacation. They seem to have a way of messing up right before something good. Remember way way way back last November when I was taking the kids to DC and two days before I left he got arrested and the truck impounded? Then broke into my house while I was gone? Anyway, not saying your A is my A but just thinking about how they seem to show up/mess up at the absolute worst times. Have a great vacation. Don't obsess and just think about what you REALLY want and not what would help or save or make him more comfortable. Have fun at the beach!
Sounds like you are doing well....good work staying busy with the things you like to do...that sure help me. My A BF moved out 4 days ago and waht an emotional roller coaster it has been.....I feel like I want to wear blinders....in my mind as well as eyes...I don't want to look for his car, I don't want to look for his friends, I don't want to think about what he is doing....I keep trying to focus on my life without him. He is gone for good this time and I am relieved, but it is so hard in so many ways. Most of all I love him and miss him....the good parts that is. Anyhow, I just wanted to share what was just very helpful to me. I went back and read a bunch of my post topics over the last 6 months....they are all the same. And all describe a life I do not accept as ok for me or my kids. What a reminder. I will do it each time I start obsessing on missing what I wanted him to be....I will remind myself of what reality was reaaly like...and thank my HP for getting me to where I am today. All with as much love as I can muster. Think about what you want and do it! Enjoy your vacation! Love, Fifi
Ugh . . . I remember listening to vehicles approaching the front gate, is it him??? Is he back??? And the sinking in my stomach, end of the peacefulness, what do I say, do I say anything? It was an awful feeling knowing he could just show up, I so wanted him to just stay away. The only thing I could do was just go about my day, plan what was necessary for the immediate future.
I also bought new locks and installed them. Stripped some screws, the fit ain't quite right but they work. New lock on the front gate too.
Stepping back to look at it all . . . changing the locks to keep my husband out, something is very, very wrong with this picture!!! But it must be a much harder decision with children.
I can't wait until you go on vacation!! Girl you need one. Just be ready as possible for whatever craziness may come your way, like Carolinagirl said. This can't last forever. Nothing does, good or bad. You are doing great, and now it's time for you and the kids.
