I am starting a new job and am feeling anxious.  I could identify those feelings and so I am working on Plan B to help me with this.  Just today alone, my gratitude list is amazing.

I ran through everything just in the past few days alone for which I am grateful for my and my family's health, we all have jobs that keep roofs over our heads, air conditioning to keep us cool with the humidity and for which I can pay my electric bill, an apartment that I can afford, a little extra that I can give to my children and for which they are grateful for, my estranged and I have a very good friendship and our boys benefit greatly by that, I have two sponsees right now who are working such a great program and for whom I am very proud to be a part of their recovery, I have a very special friend in program for which we share for hours and hours and hours and the time seems to stand still, it's amazing to have such a special friend in recovery, a friend who understands, I had five days off and did wonderful things, I went to the Boston Pops and the fireworks display was spectacular, I went out to eat at an Indian restaurant and tried new food (something I couldn't do with my boys because they won't try new things), I was able to sit for a while and read a good book (something I rarely do these days because of school), I went to dinner with a good friend and we had so much fun, my old job threw me a wonderful good-bye party and the gifts they gave me were beyond generous and the appreciation they shared with me for a job well done was heartfelt and wonderful to hear, I went to the ocean and had a wonderful day for myself, laying out in the sun, getting lobster and clam chowder at my favorite place near the ocean, walking along the mile strip full of wonderful little shops, I am proud of myself for being able to do all of these things by myself, I enjoy my own company, would it have been nicer to share it with someone special, yes, but nonetheless it was enjoyable by myself as well.

And

All at once as I was wiping my tears, my grandmother clock that hangs on my wall struck on the hour.  I realized what a part of my tears are for it's grief for my beloved lab, Bailey, that we put to sleep almost a month ago.  See after I put her down, I came home and my grandmother clock that strikes on the hour with five different songs that are upbeat and happy and make me smile, I shut off the day that I came home and was missing her.  I didn't want the music to make me happy, just for today, because I wasn't happy.  I was missing her.  Now the clock still makes a loud clicking sound which reminds me of the music that would have been playing but I have chosen to keep the clock silent for a while.  Part of the grieving process.

Just wanted to share with you all, that it's ok to cry, ok for me to cry, ok for you to cry.  Tears are merely liquid prayers.