The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a gullable person - AH can almost always play a joke on me and I will think he's totally serious. Or he'll say something not really being serious at all just to push my buttons - and even after almost 4 years with him I still get sucked into his little games. Why do I always get sucked in? I have got to train myself out of this - I irritate the crap out of myself when I get so riled up and then it ends up being all for no real reason! I know a big part of it is flirting & he thinks I'm cute when I'm a little mad, but still I wish he wouldn't push my buttons so much.
QUESTION 4 MEN: Is this a man thing? GRRR Why do you do it? QUESTION 4 WOMEN: Does any part of you enjoy this? Do you get sucked in over and over by this stuff?
Anyway, last night he goes "In two weeks I'm going to (a certain club in town). I could tell right away he was expecting, if not waiting for a response from me. Keep in mind we just went to our first AA meeting on Monday. This is a test I'm thinking - HP is testing me - HP is helping me learn to stick to my boundaries. I was SO tempted to reply with a typical "that's not a good idea considering you're trying to quit drinking" response, but instead I said "No comment". He said "What?" - I could tell by his tone of voice he was trying to get me to say what I really wanted to say, I said "I have nothing to say about that, no comment". Is this an ok/good response? I dunno, I was sorta proud of myself, but at the same time I knew AH knows I did not agree with him abt going. For all I know he just said it to get a rise out of me and isn't even planning this. I mean, by saying that is it pretty much the same as saying what I really think? But then, wouldn't it be even worse doing the cold shoulder when it comes to these sort of topics?
I bit my tongue for MONTHS before I figured out that sometimes, that's the same as stuffing my feelings, which I'm trying to learn not to do, and I need to say something FOR MYSELF. Not to "get him" to respond in any certain way. And that's exactly what you did. Bravo!
As for is it a man thing or a woman thing..... I think maybe it's a control thing? oh, look, if I pull this string, the leg jerks up. so both men and women are susceptible. I tend to believe ppl too. Sometimes these days I actually realize they're trying to make a joke, and I can say oh, ha-ha, very funny. Sometimes I don't. If they say, boy, you fell for that one!, I've gotten better at just going along with it - "yeah, you're right, I take the gullible prize". I COULD say, "I don't get why you think that's fun and/or funny", which would also be true, but I haven't yet discovered someone who DOES think it's fun or funny who can (or will) give me an explanation - in fact sometimes they think the fact that I asked is even more hysterically funny - so why ask, and make myself crazy/ give myself a headache? (This may fall in the category of, why keep going to the hardware store for milk?)
Other phrases I use sometimes - oh, really? what do the guys at the meeting think about that?
No... lol, I don't think it is a "guy" thing. My wife does it all the time. We had many knock down drag out fights in the past over my responses to those. These days I nod alot. like .... hmmm (and a nod)
She's not too crazy about those nothing responses either, but now adays she is the only one fighting about it. Not much ammo in a nod. :)
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Someone told me at a meeting to just say "oh?" I have such a big mouth and jump at anything he says. I never win that is for sure. So you did good to know what he was up to. As for me I need to practice my "oh".
Gurl25
