The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex boyfriend called me at work a while back and told me he didn't want to see me anymore because he felt uncomfortable because I have children. I was in total shock. I have a feeling that it was just an excuse for something else that bothered him, but I just said, "okay". He said he still wanted to be friends and we hung up. I thought about what was best for me, so I sent him an e-mail and said I wished him all the best in life. I told him it was best for me not to be friends with him. It was basically a goodbye e-mail. Since then he has tried to call me and sent me 2 e-mails saying hi. I did not answer any of them. I refuse to play the games. My heart is not a yo-yo for you to use when you feel uncomfortable. It is very difficult for me right now not to sit and try to figure out what is going on with him. The should games in my head are starting to appear-Should I have answered his call? Should I have asked him what makes him feel uncomfortable? I don't like playing mind reader, so I took what he said and accepted the ending. Now I am driving myself crazy whether I did the healthy thing. I wanted to know where the relationship was headed because I did not want to put my heart and soul into something if it was headed to nowhereville. He did not want to talk about the future. Here comes my anger-If he can't talk about building a foundation to build upon, then I don't want any part of it. I want someone who puts both feet in, not just one foot in and one foot out. I've been down this road in the past and held on to hope waiting for the person to make a commitment. That was all I had-hope. Hope doesn't work for me anymore. Actions do. I refuse to waste my time anymore. I nip it in the bud in the very beginning because I am not going to be strung along because you are too scared, aren't sure, don't know what you want, live in the past, yadda, yadda, yadda. To me, these are all just excuses.
dear kissers, you did not say if your bf is an a, but that does not really matter. you DO say you have children. i am a widow and have children and am dating someone in program. if he were to tell me he didnt want to see me anymore, the OLD me would beg and call and try to argue him back, ANYTHING to keep him. because the OLD me had no self esteem. the NEW me would respect his wishes and try to figure out what is best for me and my children. if not seeing him at all was best, then so be it.
the point is, i find out what is best for me by working my program, and praying. of course i obsess. and that is when i phone my sponsor. my feelings may go wild. but they are just feelings and will come and go, and in the end i will have me , my kids and the facts. the fact is that your bf doesnt want to see you anymore. the fact is that you accepted that and moved on.
Hope he respects your boundaries soon & stops the contact.
Good for you in taking care of yourself - Making the decision to not play the "mind games", to realize you deserve someone who will accept you and your children and your life - you are worthy of that true acceptance and love.
Praying your HP continues to guide you on the healthy path for your life.
((hugs))
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
You "should" read what you wrote..lol Then you might not "should". You seem mentally clear on it, but then those "what if's" creep in. Personally, I think if people know what they want, they just know. I doubt any different response from you would have changed his mind dramatically.
It sounds like he cast you out and now is attempting to reel the line back in to test the waters. I can almost bet as soon as he caught you he'd cast you out again. It's the manipulation factor.
You said: If he can't talk about building a foundation to build upon, then I don't want any part of it. I want someone who puts both feet in, not just one foot in and one foot out.
Hold on to those thoughts....You know what you need.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You go girl! I saw much self care in your post, as well as the self questioning. I for one feel you are taking care of yourself first, and I hope he "gets the message" and stops contacting you and causing your more pain.
kissers I agree with what you've done so far - completely - ur right it's obvious that the chances of you being in a yo-yo situation with him are great if you decide to be with him after the fact - and you deserve better than that - start something like that and IMO alot of other problems will follow along. kim's right - you go girl!
