The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A/DA in my life is my son. Fortunately he is back in program and for the time being seems to be doing very well. I am slowly regaining my relationship with my son and it does feel very good.
We had a phone conversation last week and something he said seemed to have little flags all over it saying "pass this one on".
We were talking about his place in his program and my place in mine. It was a civil very productive conversation that we could never have had three years ago. At one point he said "Mom, I hear so often in meetings from other people that they never even started on their recovery until their parents backed off completely. They all say that they know their parents love them but that their recovery is theirs and theirs alone. He said it was then that he realized that was when he started full force on his recovery, when we backed off and made him responsible for his own actions. He said "Mom, the one thing I want is for you to live long enough to tell 20,000 mothers that the best thing they can do for their child who is suffering from an addiction is to back off and do nothing. Give them the dignity to grow up and take responsibility for their own life."
That one statement touched me so deeply and I knew then that he was definitely working his program. He has come a long way and it makes my journey in my program so much easier to grasp.
Thanks for listening Barb
__________________
Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Thanks Barb for passing this along. I am pleased beyond words that you and your son can speak to one another so freely and meaningfully. Great progress for him AND you! Splendid!
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Barb...that was a great story. Thank you for sharing it.
As a mother of an A son I realized after reading your share that I am still rescuing my son. Not because he is causing any problems for me but financially I am helping him to stay afloat. I am in denial, I believe, that doing that is enabling. It must be very hard to completely back off. But, hearing it from the horse's mouth, it must be the right thing to do.
You can tell your son that you only have 19,999 people to share that with because I think it will help me a lot more.
I treasure the memories of those types of conversations that I have had with the A's in my life. They were beautiful & very special times. Memories that the disease will never be able to take away.
Hugs, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
