The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In August of 2005, I went to one al-anon meeting. I didn't get it... I didn't return. My husband had gone into a rehab program for one week... he relapsed. He went into a second rehab program in April of 06... he reached his one year of sobriety this past April. Lately, I've been angrier than ever. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if this online board is even what I need... but when you're online in the wee hours of the morning and typing stupid questions into google like "why do I hate my husband?"... I figured trying this message board couldn't be any worse. I'm truly desperate for answers. I don't know who else to turn to. I just need someone to talk to without feeling like a burden or a whiny whatever! Is there anyone out there?
I do not have an alcoholic husband but I wanted to welcome you to MIP. I never in a million years would have thought Alanon would have helped me but I have gotten so much out of it. I have an alcoholic son and I grew up with an alcoholic father. I have not been to a meeting in a couple of months and I can really feel the effects of that. My old behaviors are returning. I am checking up on my son again and laying awake at night worrying about him instead of turning him over to his HP. I am sure you will find many people who feel like you do about their spouse who are in recovery. They will give you a lot of experience, strength and hope and will welcome you to come and vent here anytime you need to. I hope you keep coming back and reading as much as possible so you can live a happy life that has nothing to do with you hubby.
I'm glad you found these pages. They have been a huge help to me and I;m sure will be to you too. I had an Aboyfriend (I woundn't marry him) until six months ago when it was all more than I could cope with, and I left him.
I look forward to your posts and hearing all about you. There are many people here who care and understand.
In my experience, I didn't "get it" initially either. What I did understand and feel was that the people in the program had been through similiar things in their lives to what I had. And that many of them had done this and worse, and come out the other side happy. I wanted to be happy too. So I kept coming back.
It took, and is taking, time for me to grow. I have been in al-anon for 3 years now. Sometimes I take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, but I am willing to make the effort for me. I am worth the time I invest in myself!
Hope you keep coming back and posting, and give that meeting another try!
Welcome DJ! I am so glad you found us. Al anon is such a wonderful program for coping and healing. A lot of what is recommended in al anon doesn't make sense at first because it is against our human nature. What most of us find, however, is if you trust the program and try to live by what it suggests, you will slowly experience a spiritual awakening. Peace and serenity replace anger and resentment.
I work the program every day when dealing with my AH, whether he is drinking or not. I would like to suggest that you try to attend 6 face to face meetings, read as much literature as you can get your hands on, and keep coming to the board. Some other good reads are Melody Beattie's "Language of Letting Go," and "Codependent No More."
Keep coming back, it works if you work it! Babysteps
I understand what you are feeling, it took me 7 yrs to walk into the doors of Alanon. Actually I think by that time I crawled in, LOL. Please give a try, I can't express to you how much more peaceful I am -- it's allowed me to find my old self, you know the one we use to be before all "this" It's really possible.
If you can, read How Alanon Works for Famlies and Friend of Alcoholics and also, The Lois Wilson story When Love is Not Enough (Borchert). These two books give a very good over view of Alanon and what it's about.
DJ, I know you are in pain but I have to laugh, I can just see myself googling "Why I Hate My Husband" and MIP popping up!!!
I know when I found MIP I wasn't googling "Marital Bliss".
So absolutely, we're here and you fit right in. I too have hated my H, both when sober or not. It's especially not unusual to "hate" your A when they are sober, and there are a million reasons for it, most of which in my experience are "how can he dare act like this after all he's put me through? I thought he was working a PROGRAM, so what's up with this a**hole??"
Sometimes I don't think I "got" Alanon until very recently. It really doesn't matter if you get it or not, the tools will help you feel better about your life WHATEVER your angry alcoholic is doing to himself, or trying to do to you. I remember hearing the stories of women with actively using alcoholic/drug addicts and they sat there all "happy" looking and acting normal . . . what the?? What were they ON?? Was this some kind of religious thing or what?
Recently (I've been a member of MIP for a few months) due to my geographic isolation and my A's year of relapse I HAD to get it or I was going to go down the tubes. It was that clear to me, and I am not going down the tubes over an alcoholic, husband or not. I could not get away from him without abandoning my farm and livestock. I chose to stay, not because I hope he'll get it or even because I love him which I do. I'm staying for the farm, and I honestly believe I would not be sane and peaceful as I am, most of the time, without using the tools I learned in Alanon. The tools fit any situation that comes up for us, too.
So yes, you are in the right place. And thank Google!
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, strength, hope, wisdom and humor (good for the ). I remember going to my local Alanon meetings when hubby was in rehab. I didn't like my local groups at first. That's when I found this site after many relapses. I was desperate. I was lucky my A was not active for most of our marriage. But that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt me, and I wasn't angry. I was just looking for a group of people who understood what I was going through. That's when I found this family. Alanon can be a bit confusing at times, just like AA. But I stuck with it. It is so worth it.
I realized that things couldn't change, unless I changed them. That meant changing me. I couldn't change the A. But I could change how I reacted to him. It gave me the strength to grow and the courage to change. It gave me the courage to make decisions that I wouldn't have if I didn't find this home. Eventually I learned that I could take this program with me to work. Trust me, it has saved me many aggrevations.
Hubby has passed his 1 year sobriety mark and I continue to work on me. This is a place (I like to call it my second home/family) for your recovery regardless if he chooses sobriety or not. This is a place where you can learn to take back your life.
I hope you will go back and read old posts. Come join us for online meetings or the chat room is open 24/7/365.
Love and blessings to you and your family
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
). I remember going to my local Alanon meetings when hubby was in rehab. I didn't like my local groups at first. That's when I found this site after many relapses. I was desperate. I was lucky my A was not active for most of our marriage. But that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt me, and I wasn't angry. I was just looking for a group of people who understood what I was going through. That's when I found this family. Alanon can be a bit confusing at times, just like AA. But I stuck with it. It is so worth it.
and I continue to work on me. This is a place (I like to call it my second home/family) for your recovery regardless if he chooses sobriety or not. This is a place where you can learn to take back your life.