I remember for a long, long, time I thought that every1 thought that my Dad and Mom were class acts. No one could see why it is I hated them so much, had so much problems with them. When you said that peopl are like ostracising you for divorcing him, I had to laugh, because it reminded me so much of me. There is still an entire section of Dayton that thinks my father and my mother need to be cannonized for Sainthood--they literally think they're hot sh***. My father was called "patron surgeon of the terminal, the infirm, and the uninsrued." My mother was called, "the inspiration to families of suffering alcholics everywhere that there is hope for alcholism."
BS!
Okay, so I start working the program myself, and I start getting involved in the program myself,and I start getting help. And guess what? I find out that out of all the people that supposedly thought this highly of my parents and all that crap, they were a minority. The vast majority 1) didn't know my mother or my father: whenever I would talk so disparagingly of my parents they would be like "Who ARE these people and where do they live? Keep them the hell away from me!!!!" It was like, "Waddya mean? EVERYONE knows them!!!" Uh, no!! Not anymore! 2) I learned taht the people that do know my parents, NOT EVERYONE LIKES THEM OR CAN STAND THEM! OMG that was the hugest relief ever. I would run into drs that worked with my dad, or nurses that I had worked under my dad, and they would sigh or cringe or stuff, and would walk away, cause they dind't want' to say anything bad about him in front of my face and all. Eventually, the truth would come out. They thought he was a great surgeoun and all, one of the best, no doubt. And they felt super duper lucky to train under him, to be trained by him, whatever, crap like that, right? THEY HATE HIS GUTS PERSONALLY. He calls them names, he humilates them in front of staff, he tells them that they're too stupid to work in a hospital, all this CRAP! All the stuff he had done to me AND WORSE in MY OWN HOME he had done to DOCTORS, NURSES, TECHS, EVEN HIS BOSS!! Okay? So it was like NO WAY! And these drs, nurses, techs, even the cleaning crew was like WAY! One nurse said, "When I found out I was assigned to your dad for rounds for one night, I cried just because I knew exactly what my night was gonna be like. And it was, it was so bad. And then, after word, I begged my boss to let me go home early. She clocked me out full shift because she felt so bad for me. Your dad's horrible mean to us nurses. Horrible mean!"
And then there was my mom! OMG My mom!!! The people in AA with alot of years like 10, 20, 30 years OMG they said tehy were afraid for people she sponsored because they were afraid those people were gonna commit suicide because she was/is NUTS! Like she would tell these people "don't be taking those anti depressants! You;re not sober enough yet to be taking anti depressants! you don't know how to take anti depressants responsibly!" One old timer got 20 years sober said "Your mom makes alot of people mad. She told me that because I take a nerve block for my fibromyalga I'm not sober and I've relapsed. But she takes lithium for her bipolar and if you ever confront her on that, she tells you to go to hell." They hated it when she went to rehab centers b/c these people thought that my mom had "real sobriety" and the old timers were afraid that they were gonna believe my mom was telling them the truth when she said "don't take your meds. That's not true sobriety. It'll lead you to relapse if you do that." And all them old timers told me "you don't tell someone who has like 2 weeks dry to not listen to their drs if it'll save their life! your mom was telling these people to go quit their meds and go do stuff that could kill them!"
OMG don't listen to those people like someone said it's none of their business and if my experience is anything they're lying to you anyway. I promise they're full of it. I promise I promise I promise.

Hello Trying , sorry to hear about your divorce but sometimes there is just too much to fix .  Tell your friends  just what u said here , why is none of thier business and I get the nice guy thing your talking about , we make them look good , now that his bigest enabler is gone he will be left out there responsible for his own crap and you can enjoy a rest from the insanity of living with active alcoholism .  Don't worry about what others say , all will be revealed in good time contrary to popular belief you cannot fool all of the people all the time.
Please go to Al-Anon meetings your going to have to heal from this relationship and will have to deal with him for the rest of your life as he is the father of your children .  Al-Anon has improved all of my relationships . good luck and take care of you .  

Isn't everyone divorced? Most people don't even think twice about us being divorced, they all ask about the kids and if he is seeing them. Total strangers ask me about the kids. How nice of them to be so concerned. So, I usually say thanks for caring, I do need a sitter for tomarrow night and being a single parent and all.....well, since you cared enough to ask......I just assumed...... That always shuts them up.  Or if I'm in a better spot I just say he has a hard time being consistent. Which he does. Sometimes I would just love to say "well, he is a bipoar, sex addict who smokes crack and has had several affairs. He does not care about his wife or his kids. He has left us in financial ruin, has outstanding warrents for solicitating prostitutes and gave me an STD. And he kicks dogs." Can you imagine?! LOL! Boy, it sure felt good to say it! Gosh, and i miss him! Holy, what is wrong with that picture?! I was the first of my friends to get married, have kids and now the first to be divorced. I hate it and it is hard no matter what the circumstances. much luck and love to you....