That is Ok. I get it. But I feel powerless over me. And learning that HP can take over with me also. I can turn me over to HP, not just everyone else. LOving myself when my ex doesn't love me is really hard. I had crawled out of my funk for a few hours, almost strung together a day but then the feeling came back over me. I feel like I have no control over that feeling. So, last night on my way home from my meeting I decided to give myself until Friday to live with this feeling. I gave myself a year to grieve for my dad. Not that I thought I would just be over it in a year but I thought I will start healing after a year. And that seems to be working. My grief around my dad's death has lessened. For the last year I let myself feel the feelings and have the thoughts. So, I'm going to try the same thing with my ex. Afterall, these are my feelings to do with what I want. I need the courage to change me. I need the desire to change me. I cannot visiualize the person I want to be. I just don't know, or care to know. i think that's part of my depression. Who Do I want to be? I was happy with who I was....or at least happy to be that person and work on being better. I tell you what it feels much better to post about me than it does to post about him....I have to give HP a chance to relieve me of my insanity. I still keep thinking that's my job....I don't want to burden God with my insanity! LOL!