The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This was a topic in a meeting this evening. I used to cower and hide when someone was angry with me. I always thought it was my fault. Thank God for Al-Anon. I no longer take on someone's anger. I am able to take a step back and look at the situation clearly without emotions going rampant. I look at my side of the street. If I feel I am being wrongly accused I don't have to pick it up. I can let it go and remember that "No response is a response".
that is such a great topic. i've came to my own conclusion that when I am angry, i need to take a program moment, feel the feelings, and come back to the even keel. when someone is angry at me -- today -- i can step back and let them be angry, all the while keeping my serenity. as long as my side of the street is clean, their anger at me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
with love cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I agree 100% with you kissers. This happened recently to me in the workplace. I was very upset by the situation, but within a couple of days realized it was a lesson for me in letting go. In this situation, my side of the street was clean in my opinion. I was being given the silent treatment, which made not responding that much easier. The lesson for me was to apply that with those that I love. Much harder for me than the co-worker who was/is angry with me.
I'll probably always go to "what did I do to tick them off?" first, it's just the way I am, and if I handle it correctly, it had been useful.
My A is angry with me. It's taken a while to figure out WHY, or partly why. I've set some boundaries, some of them years ago, and he thinks if he tries hard enough, I'll let them go. He's right, because I have given in over and over, much to my own horror and painful memory. But not anymore! I just can't give in. It's like "can't" and "won't" merged in meaning with this.
Since I restarted Alanon this winter, he's really had to deal with my boundaries and it pisses him off. Sometimes, it is hard to know when to just shut him out or respond. I'm not always right, but I have made a few apologies, so I'm glad for that.
Since I'm human and still want to know (read: control) the future, I get myself fantasizing about just how much angrier is he gonna get? Or, who's gonna blow first? And mostly, "This can't possibly go on much longer".
Is it up to me or not? I am working on that one.
So what I do, living with a person angry with me all day at this point, is stay the hell away from him! I do my best to stay polite. Even kindnesses at this point are not taken constructively. Once in a while Hagatha comes out but I pay for it.
In the rest of my relationships, I naturally will steer clear of a person angry with me. It seems odd or dangerous to confront them, and if the reason is worth it to them, they'll come to me. I think a person angry with me has a right to some space away from me, and since it is largely their own problem, I'm not in a position to do much but be open.
Great subject and feedback! Growing up in program I have also learned the same feedback and quite a bit more. Some of that "quite a bit more" comes under the heading of compassion for the other person. I have learned that sometimes the other person is just acting out a resentment against who or what ever and I am in the general area of the explosion or looks like a reliable target. I know about this because it is what I use to do also (similarities right?) before program sooo I don't let another person's anger scare me anymore from reaching out and doing a 12th step. If I find out I am responsible the program has taught me what to do. If I find out I am not responsible the program has taught me what to do again. "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps I try to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all my affairs."
Everyone on both sides of my family is angry with me. I haven't received a phone call from them in years (the silent treatment). It's pretty hurtful. I really don't know what I did. Al-Anon taught me that my expectations of family members lead to resentments. If I had accepted them for who they are, not what I wanted them to be, maybe my relationships would be working. There is alcoholism in my family, so being only 6 months into the program I feel that it is the disease along with a lot of stuff I did in the past.
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"If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed."
:*จจ*:.:* ♥จ*:.:*จจ *: Ancient Chinese Proverb
I hate when someone is angry with me. I get all obbsessed, and try to fix it. I say I'm sorry way to much. I have someone I believe is angry now, she doesn't call me back. I need to let it go. I had a relapse in AA a while ago, and it took me a few times of saying I was done before I put any time together. So now she doesn't trust me and seems pissed. I try not to call right now, (not good at not fixing it). I know trust is earned. I left messages for her to call back, now I need to accept it and it hurts. I found most of the people I love are in the program, and I hate that I messed with that, but need to go forward now.
Everyone on both sides of my family is angry with me. I haven't received a phone call from them in years (the silent treatment). It's pretty hurtful. I really don't know what I did. Al-Anon taught me that my expectations of family members lead to resentments. If I had accepted them for who they are, not what I wanted them to be, maybe my relationships would be working. There is alcoholism in my family, so being only 6 months into the program I feel that it is the disease along with a lot of stuff I did in the past.