The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After holding an intervention in the fall of 2005, my father went through an inpatient treatment program. He was doing pretty well, although he did not believe it necessary to follow up with an after-care program (AA). In any event, he has relapsed (no big suprise considering there was no follow up program) and he is just as bad as he was prior to the intervention and inpatient treatment program....drunk or sleeping all the time and very mean.
I no longer live at home and have not for some time. However, I live fairly close and I see my family on the holidays and b-days. For years, my father has made these holidays a nightmare. He is completely intoxicated and meaner than hell; but everyone ignores the elephant in the room and pretend like it is not happening. I HATE going home when he is using and I just don't think I can mentally do it anymore.
Father's day is coming up and I am dreading it like the plague. His birthday is the same week. I just can't go home and pretend like nothing bad is happening again. So, I am wondering if these boundaries are okay??
1. If he is not using, go home and enjoy a pleasant father's day; 2. If he is not using when I first arrive, but becomes drunk while there, just leave with no big commotion; 3. If he is using prior to going home on father's day, just not go and send a card, telling him I love him and I am not mad at him for relapsing, but that I just can't be around him when he is drinking.
Patches that sounds more than amazing , you are learning to set boundaries and still have a relationship with your father . (hugs) Make your appearance enjoy the rest of the family and if dad becomes obnoxious graciously excuse yourself no arguing or explanations necessary . So make your plans just don't plan the outcome. and remember Plan B . enjoy the day . Louise What u have said in your post is practicing Let it Begin With Me . it is possible to have a relationship with a practicing alcoholic , and yes it is you that has to reach out cause your the one that sees the need for change .
I think the fact that you are even considering going is nice. I think your boundaries are more then fine. I hope he is sober and he has a nice fathers day. I am so sorry you are going through this. It's horrible. Lots of prayers your way. ^i^
