The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a friend at work who has been sep. the same amt. of time as me and yesterday she told me she is moving back in with her husband. I was shocked and just froze for a minute but then got to thinking about my own situation. Her husband was a wife beater and seriously abusive, mine only abused himself really.
This got me to thinking about how I kind of always held in the back of my mind that if everything went to hell I could always take him back he would work and it would be ok for a while. That delusion is gone now that he is looking at a long prison term. I realized that I am TOTALLY alone in North Carolina with NO family, and now not even him to be able to call on if I just can't make it on my own. That is my huge fear that I can't cut it, I don't have what it takes to get up and go to work every day and support three kids. This was kind of a scary realization, but at the same time I think I never would have taken him back anyway because either A he's not in recovery or B too much crap has happened in the mean time.
I have those scary feelings as well and I do have family around me. You sound like a strong woman who would just do it because no one else is going to do it. Somedays it takes everything I have to get out of bed and come to work, but I do it because who else will. Right? Remember you have us to support you and help get you through those tough days. Keep up the great work.
Peace, Twinmom
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Omg honey we all NEED each other!!! It is OK to be ambivalent about taking care of your kids. gads that is a lot. I had my GREAT mother to help us and be part of us!!
Is it an option to move back home where you have a support system?I know this is going to sound strange,but Adam did not want to be alone, Jesus had his deciples!!
We are not made to do it all. I would LOVE it if you were my daughter and came back home, and i could have my g kids and help!!! My daughter for some unknown reason is a big city girl!! Actually a country girl in the city.
???
lol If you have a good family, it would be so cool for your kids to grow up with them. I grew up with all mine and my childhood was wonderful.
Have you considered that?
When I told ya i worked and went to college, my tummy clenched up. I remember how very hard it was. I hated driving to the college. It was so dang lonely there> I was in my mid fourties so was alone so much.
Yes I did it, I would have rather been home baking bread and making youghurt, knitting, dying wool.....gardening and taking care of my husband who took care of me..... I do relate.
The reality of it is we've been doing much of it on our own, only haven't realized it. It's just the thought that we could "fall back on" our A....but could we really? HP is stretching me too It's a strange feeling, just remember to give yourself credit -- you are a lot stronger than you realize.
The reality of it is we've been doing much of it on our own, only haven't realized it. It's just the thought that we could "fall back on" our A....but could we really? HP is stretching me too It's a strange feeling, just remember to give yourself credit -- you are a lot stronger than you realize.
Luna
True words, words we need to stop and think about when we feel weak, and i feel weak all the time. The only reason I am still here is because I don't think I can do it alone. I am afraid if I left I would not even have my kids. But actually I do it alone already. I am alone virtually 99% of the time. I just have his income to depend on while I am continuing my studies and doing something so I can have a future at this late date!!!!!! I hear and understand where you all are coming from.
I was just stressing yesterday morning and last night about having to "Do It All" too. My AH moved back home over a month ago. Monday he had his court appearance for his paraphinalea possession charge a few months ago. The judge put him back in jail for 3 days to complete a one week sentence. Well for the 3 days he was gone, I was stressing. Just yesterday morning, I wanted to just stay in bed, call in sick to work and not go anywhere. But you know what? I didn't do that. You know why? B/c my kids depend on me. I depend on me. So I got up, showered & started my day. By last night at bedtime I was screaming, slinging dishes, tossing laundry and just feeling abused and beat up by life in general. I finally tumbled into bed, drifted off to sleep and woke up feeling much better this morning. The point is, some days are hard but ya know what? They only last 24 hours. Then you get a fresh start the next day. Keep your chin up. You can do this. You are awesome.
A lot of wisdom here at MIP. It makes sense that we were really doing alot of ourselves anyway. My AHsober was always at work or had to go back at work. There I was with 3 little boys, going to family functions, paying the bills, etc. I am alone 99% of the time too since my H moved out 2 years ago. I have figured out almost everything. The biggest growth for me has been asking for help from family, friends, and strangers. Support comes from the strangest places. And there is always Alanon meetings and here at MIP!
It's a strange feeling, just remember to give yourself credit -- you are a lot stronger than you realize. 