The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My regular meeting sponsor is NOT WORKING FOR ME!!! When I talk to her she is usually distracted and I feel like I'm wasting her time or she's not really interested in what I have to say. I haven't really been given any direction on working the steps. I know I am ready to move on in my recovery and think if I had a great sponsor I would do much better!
Also, her situation is MUCH different than mine, she has never been through anything like what I have and I think that makes a difference. She was with a functional productive alcoholic who got into recovery and has never been through extreme distress. I feel like everything I say she just ya ya's or sounds good.... etc. I'm looking for someone who has been to hell and back with their A or drug user someone who can relate this extreme and the impact it has on our lives.
Don't be in a hurry...It took me a year to find a sponsor, I got an online one, and we worked well together from 2 countries....
I have a f2f sponsor, and It took a while for me to get the courage to ask her...I feel like you too, I am not getting anywhere quick...BUT.....Now I am getting the courage to walk the walk.....I called my sponor and said to her...can we meet up, she said, yep....And I'm now ready to go onto step four....
Easy does it......I would sponsor you, but I dont think im the right person at the moment, still learning ....lol
I know what you mean. My home group has 2 people in it. They don't talk about sponsorship. Both of their husbands have been sober for over 15 years. I feel like they also haven't been down the same kind of road I have. My husband is an alcoholic and addict. They are nice ladies, but sometimes I think I just get in the way (probably just my mind toying with me). All they do at the meetings is read the daily reflection. Maybe that's all there is to it, but it sure does feel like it's lacking something.
Anyway--I have found a person in AA who has also been in Al-Anon, though she doesn't go to the Al-anon meetings I have gone to. She has been in both programs for over 8 years. She has offered to help me and I am really looking forward to it.
Like am you I am ready to make some real progress! I hope you can find what you need soon.
Just wanted to let say I had 2 sponsors before I found "the one". It's not unusual to have several. I thought my first one was perfect when I asked her but she was just way too busy. I would call in crisis and maybe 2 days later she'd get back to me. Plus, she lived pretty far away and didn't seem to want to meet in the middle. I always had to drive to her house..
The sponsor I have now is my Moms age and I just love her. Her spiritual beliefs are much the same as mine and so are her values. I can truly talk to her about anything.
I do have to disagree on one thing though. I believe that ANYONE that has been married to (or loves) an alcoholic has been through hell and back. My husband was functional, worked daily, never went to jail, never got a DUI (somehow), wasn't mean or abusive. BUT, my life was far from peaceful. For instance: I had to call him home from the bar when I went in to labor, he arrived 90 min. later unable to drive. He was at the bar every single night and all day every single weekend. He would come home make a mess in the kitchen and go to bed for 12 hour stretches. I went to most school functions alone. I went to office parties alone or not at all. I've been stranded on the side of the road in 10 degree weather, A was passed out, didn't answer the phone. I cringed when he talked to our neighbors as he staggered around the yard. Every Holiday was spent trying to pull off a nice family dinner with a drunk. I've been married 19 years, and this last anniversary was the very 1st one he spent sober. One time in particular he called on our anniv. told me to get ready he was taking me to a really nice place. He assured me he was not stopping at the bar. He showed up 2 hrs late so drunk he could barely walk..walked in and asked if I was ready to go. NOT!! Let's see...I watched my son more nights then I can count look out of our picture window for hours waiting for Daddy to come home. Heart wrenching. I had to put the kabosh on him driving anywhere with my son after they went camping and A hit a tree in the campground with my son in the back in the truck bed. My Mother had a massive stroke at the age of 54. Halfway to the hospital I realized booze was hitting him. He must have guzzled just before we left. I was not only afraid for my life, but had to deal with a wreaking alcoholic by my side, trying to talk to Dr's while my Mom lay in critical condition. These are just the tip of the iceberg... There is much worse instances I don't care to go in to, I have shared here before and 18 yrs later it is still too painful. Multiply the things mentioned by 19 yrs. My hell may have beeb different then yours, but it was still hell. I can just about bet your sponsor crawled to Alanon in pain just like the rest of us. That is what makes Alanon a family. We understand what the members of Alanon have been through like no one else can..
OK, got that off my chest..lol Anyway..If your sponsor seems disinterested it most likely just her personality or her way, whatever. The issue is you aren't suited for eachother so for sure move on until you find the right one.
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
My A didn't abuse me, he loves the animals, he didn't spend the money, he had no trouble with the law, he is neat, helps keep the house tidy, does all the things a proper mate should do...then there is the part of me who has been through hell and back, for most of the reasons you stated, and some more of his own. Passed out drunk in his place of business, passed out drunk on the front lawn, smelling of alcohol passed out in bed, throwing up for days at a time, having a lousy attitude when drinking, embarrassing me in front of guests. God the list goes on. We have all been there. Some of us in different ways, but it all amounts to the same thing. I state all this in the past tense, but who's to know if it will start all over again tomorrow. SOmehow I don't think he is finished with the bottle as he claims. Phooooey!!
I had a great sponsor when we lived in Utah, and I guess she is still really my sponsor. I have telephoned her crying a couple of times since we came to Texas. She is an AlAnon, an ACOA, and an AA. She has been through it all. Been sober herself for 15 years, and still maintains it is one day at a time.
CG, I hope you find exactly the sponsor you are looking for. Don't be in a hurry. That person will come along.
Diva
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
