The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I woke up with such a high hope in my heart. Yesterday I went to the bookstore and picked up Melody Beattie's Codeependents Guide To The Twelve Steps. WOW...what an awesome book filled with allowing you to see the revelations that have been there all along.
I read the first chapter last night and it was awesome. I realized how much my biological father hurt me, even though my mother left him when I was 2. I realized how much I was obsessed with making my mother's happiness my business. I have been obsessed with always needing her approval. WOW! I realized how wrong I have been handling my fiance's Aism all this time....and that I WAS MAKING MYSELF MISERABLE! I just felt relief. I am so happy that I am recovering at my age while I'm young and my son is young. I am so happy that now I have been shown the tools on how to recover.
Yesterday evening I focused on me. My A fiance came home at 8 and we didnt say anything to each other. He ate his dinner and I read my book, but the thing is, it did not bother me one bit that he wasn't speaking to me and I wasn't speaking to him. I was so engrossed in this awesome book and on focusing on me that it was no big deal.
Before I went to bed I had a nice shower and was singing praise music. I read Psalm 21 and prayed and the Lord sent me a poem. Even though I heard the door open I just kept repeating the 3 c's and just focusing on me...not on him....Just so awesome. I slept well...and woke up happy...singing...woke my son up to singing.
I called my mother and told her everything (she already knew)....and it felt good. She is so happy that I now see what I've been needing to see all these years. She is going to help me with my plan B...and she is so supportive. I thank God for her.
Thank you to everyone here for the support and encouragement.
I know it is not going to be easy, but I am continuously reminding myself of several things
I can't control it I didn't cause I can't cure it It's about ME and how I react, not about HIM and his decisions!
(((((bori))))))) so glad your are getting busy to take care of your self! and your child, and your home. By taking the focus off the A and putting it on the important daily things that make your day a more balanced and fulfilling one.... your finding its easier to feel better to move forward to have hope.... to hold to your faith in your self and in HP/God.
i love my AH, he knows that. i do not get into "his business" when it comes to takin care of him..on his inside. that is his business. not mine.
we handle the daily responsibilities and we are respectful towards one another. to our family dynamic. i do not spend time, sitting with him, or be with him when he is drinking. i have found its easier and easier to find other things to do... from a lil' house cleaning.(lol) to ..... reading a great book, take a swim or even get out and ride my bicycle. (keeps me fit.) i found that its ok to spend time with myself. i sometimes go out with some neighbor friends we get together for a new movie release .... or we go bowl or hahaa even play some golf.
i do not let our household account contribute to his drinking, a boundary set long ago. nor my pocketbook. And i dont let him drive (especially my car.) call it a rule a boundary But i feel and said so; if drinking...You will not drive. Told him when i began this.... to be prepared to not be able to find the keys and do not plan to confront me. why? because "i love" him...i will not let him kill himself, if something as simple as taking the keys is going to insure he remains safe. that was some time ago.... and at first wasn't easy... but as the years have passd' he's accepted.
keep on keepin on.... this is a great program and its very easy to place the tools/steps of the 12 step program into your every day.. use it in everything you do... woohooo WORK IT ~ YOUR WORTH IT!
self and in HP/God. 
we get together for a new movie release .... or we go bowl or hahaa even play some golf.
this is a great program and its very easy to place the tools/steps of the 12 step program into your every day.. use it in everything you do... woohooo 
WORK IT ~ YOUR WORTH IT!