The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have asked my AH the following over and over again...
A) "Please don't drink and drive." B) "Please don't take my car without asking" C) "Please say goodbye to me when you go somewhere"
I ask these things of him because A) drinking & driving is dangerous and illegal. I don't want my car wrecked or impounded, or used to hurt others. B) We only have one key to his car (which he has) so I am left stranded when he takes my car and uses all my gas driving around the back roads drinking. C) Saying goodbye to your wife is common courtesy.
Last weekend when he did any combination of these things I told him that I will not bail him out WHEN he gets a DUI. Last night he did it again. When he got home he "took a nap." I went out to my car and found he had emptied my gas tank ($2.77 per gallon), and left a 7-11 cup reaking of whisky. So, I found his keyring and took my car key from it.
Initially I was going to let him figure it out on his own, but after I thought about my motivation, I decided to tell him. I said, "I took my car key from you." He said, "Is there a reason?" I said, "Because I am left stranded when you take my car, and when you get a DUI I don't want my car impounded." He said, "Well, okay." I thought he would be furious, but that was it!
PS. I would like to express my prayers for all those affected by the shootings at Virginia Tech. I live about 2.5 hours north of Virginia Tech in the Shenandoah Valley of VA. Though I don't know anyone personally affected by the shootings, living so close to the vicinity and knowing so many people who went to Tech hits a little too close to home. God Bless those poor souls.
i just wanted to give ya hug ((((B-steps ))))) and say good to see you are taking care of You and that your seeing / (learning) its not so hard to set realistic boundaries. ones that show respect and caring to both people involved in a relationship. Big Plus its also a way of helpin you to detach with love.