The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted a message not long ago about someone I had talked to for a year and wound up becoming physically intimate. He told me he loved me then after I would not let up until I got the truth he told me he didn't know what love is. He lied to me. I should have known he was an A. The truth came out shortly after that, that he had a drinking problem. We talked a couple more times after that and he asked me to go to the symphony. I accepted. Then a couple weeks later he told me he was going out of town with his friends. They are currently drinking and going to strip clubs. Here's where reality hit me in the face. He's not going to change, I cannot change him, and if I want a healthy relationship it ain't gonna happen with him. I am telling him that I care about him, but I think it's best we do not see each other anymore. I have children and thought about what type of person I would be bringing into their lives and they don't deserve it nor do I. I've been down this road many times with alcoholics, but enough is enough. I 'd rather be alone than sick with someone. I've come along way since I've started Alanon and I'm not doing a U turn for anyone.
Your working a great program. If you want to see what 'might' have happened if you didn't have the courage to end the relationship, just read my post right above yours. It's a cautionary tale. I should have known better, but my co-dependency at the time was too high. I let my guard down and got sucked in, again. In the end I, too, had the strength to let go....but the longer we go down that road, the harder it is to get off it.
Great job of taking care of you and putting your boundaries in place. Not always an easy thing to do... give yourself a big pat on the back. You go girl!!!
I should have had the courage to stand my ground To be what I wanted to be not what you expected me to be If I could have, I would have been A success in my own eyes Instead of a failure in yours
I should have rejected your standards for my life And lived only by my own If I could have, I would have been Happy and strong Instead of miserable and weak
I should have done what I thought was right Not what you said was right If I could have, I would have Lived a life that had meaning for me Instead of a life filled with empty regrets
I should have lived my life for myself Not for you, others, or society If I could have, I would have Enjoyed living and loving Instead of feeling so alone and unfulfilled
But in the twilight of life Should haves Could haves And would haves Do no good because they change nothing And negate the joys I have experienced The love I have shared And the beauty I have seen None of which I am willing to so dishonor.
Copyright 2003 Bobbi Duffy
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
