The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I continue to work out my recovery in my way and my time there are some things that bother me more than others, so those are the things that I pray on(cause that is what I do....:)
I am really working on my attitude with my AH, that is something that really drives me nuts, not to mention it drives him nuts also. I know he has problems, he knows he has problems, I don't have to keep bringing them up and up and up. He does not bring up my few and far between problems.....lol, (not really) all the time.
I don't know why I expect him to treat me and act like a fairy tale romance and marriage that is so popular to read about. There is nothing in our lives that resembles a fairy tale. But honestly, it could be worse. I know that. I do believe, and I have thought and prayed about this a lot, that he doesn't know the real meaning or love, he had nothing to model it after in his early life. His relationship with his mother is still totally dysfunctional. But I don't have to let that ruin my llife, my day, or my minute. I don't know about the part of not blaming him for not learning, because we have been married almost 30 years, I would of thought he would of caught on by now. This is where detachment comes in I think. I love him and I want a normal happy marriage where things are shared 50/50. We have never had it and I know we never will. I had to make a choice whether it was enough for me, and if I wanted to stay.
I can't change him, i know that, but as the old saying goes, I can change me. I am glad that Alanon learnings are so durable, cause I certainly would have worn them out from use by now. He has a good heart, but just got lost along the path somewhere, I can't drag him back. Though Lord knows in the past (not so distant either) I have tried by sheer willpower.
How much am I willing to put up with? All this for now, but will there come a time in the future where it is to much? I don't know. After all I am the only one in my life who has the ability to make my self miserable or happy for that matter.
I have to keep working on this stuff day after day, never ending work. If I don't old habits creep up and before I know it they are habit again. Why should I expect him to change for me? I shouldn't. Why should I expect me to change for me? Because it is the most loving, caring, respectful thing I can do for myself.
Doxie......who is just writing to set in concrete the things swirling around in her head and heart.
Those sound like good solid thoughts to me... and there is no clock or expiration on our recovery. To be honest, if I could plan mine perfectly it would probably last me right to my last breath. (not that I am trying to sneak up on that any time soon... LOL)
Thanks for sharing that, and I too have a tendancy to think well by writing. At times I even open a new post with a thought in mind... and write something else.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Doesn't sound like your thoughts are spinning. They seem pretty well organized to me. But sometimes just getting them down helps. I think you are doing great. You set a very good example for the rest of us.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I'm still here.....I do plan to respond to your message. I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Thanks for sharing. May God Bless you in a mighty way!
Thanks for sharing. May God Bless you in a mighty way!