The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i made the boundry that my ex ah could not see or have any contact with me or the kids. if he wants to see them i need something legal. he has called a few times and i don't say anything just "get a lawyer". it was hard for me but it got easier. yesterday he called and asked to speak to the kids and i said "get a lawyer" and i hung up. that feeling in my stomach passed very quickly. he called back, i didn't answer and he called my cell and i didn't answer. hearing his voice and how in the 2 seconds he spoke to me i was instantly feeling guilty and as if i should do something to faciliate him seeing the kids. those thoughts of maybe i should let him see the kids, have him here, go back to our old arrangement. NO! there is a reason i set that boundry. i don't trust him, his being here is not good for me. i stop functioning. i'm not blaming him it's just a fact. i'm feeling so much better without him in my life. i know the kids miss him. i hate that. someday maybe i'll be able to explain why i did what i had to. maybe they'll never get it. but today i am comfortable with my decision. i am happier. just strange how that doubt crowds in. this morning i got a letter from a collection agency for the 10 bounced checks he wrote while on a binge 3 years ago and that re-inforced my boundry. what an awful memory.
big hugs for you, for protecting your kids and you.
If I were you I would block his calling your land phone and not answer when he calls your cell.
It upsets you when he calls, and keeps opening a wound you are doing your best to heal from.
It is not easy for you, I know. The kids will see you happier, and see you dealing with him in an adult way, believe me they will be ok.
I hope you guys can do some fun stuff, simple things just you and the kids. It will help you guys get further away from drama and feel lighthearted. Walks picnics, a puppy or kitten for everyone to enjoy.
Focus on the joy of life. My kids and i used to go look at mushrooms. lol My son to this day photographs them and id's them. lol My daughter is an artist and does all kinds of natural jewelry with woodsy tones, she taught photography at the university.
You never know what simple things you do and share with them that will open up an interest waiting to come alive.
I would go to the library and bring home big books of just photography and art like Monet and Picasso. Was fun.
And we can't set a boundary & worry about another person's feelings. Boundaries are about taking care of ourselves. The boundaries with the children are looking out for their best interest.
If I am not doing things out of spite, revenge and anger, then I am doing things to protect the physical, emotional & spiritual well-being of myself & my children.
And that's OK.
Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
