Well,
My A and I were supposed to get together, here, at my place to be together on his day off. I called a few times this AM, but got no answer. I was not feeling up to par, so I went back to sleep. Noonish, I checked my phone and he left a rage-ful, alcohol-full mean message.
I did call back. I said to him he didn't have to be so mean. When I questioned why he did not answer this am when I called---all he said was " I was out " BS ! I told him it sounded like he already had too much to drink, and was not convinced we would get along too well, and that I was still tired. He went right back into the way he spoke on my voice mail. Acted like such a   .
I hate what booze is doing to him, but this is MY house and I do not have to subject myself to him when he is like that. My true intuition sprang into action, saying, "NO! DO NOT LET HIM COME OVER..YOU WILL FEEL WORSE THAN YOU FEEL NOW." You know I have too many issues of my own to deal with
On the flipside, I still love him. Weird? not really.. It is the way alcohol makes him that I hate.
I am feeling a bit low and down, but nowhere near what I would feel if he was here. I can't even stand to see him w/ a beer in his hand anymore--such a turnoff---this sucks.

I usually call him at 5am---when my cat wakes up and begs for my attention. I may not even call him.

I cannot say I do not feel hurt inside. I do.